


Homeward Hunting

by Lonely_Malkavian



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Destiel - Freeform, Father-Daughter Relationship, Gay Sex, Homophobia, Hunter Dean, Light BDSM, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-15 19:31:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 26,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11812719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lonely_Malkavian/pseuds/Lonely_Malkavian
Summary: "What's it like to settle down...with another...hunter?"[Dean/Cas try settling down with Dean's daughter from a previous relationship. There's one glaring problem though. Hunting habits die hard. Unlike the Winchesters.]





	1. Heading home

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really have a set point at which a chapter ends so not all chapters are the same length. Some are probably way too long and some you could probably read in 30 min or less. 
> 
> This is my first "serious" fan fiction so, yeah. I'm not exactly pro at this. Hopefully I'll get better with time.
> 
> Chances are I'll stick with SPN maybe a cross over every once in awhile with Doctor Who but, I'm not in that many fandoms so.
> 
> Feel free to leave whatever comments you like. Let me know if you think something can be improved or whatever.
> 
> From writer to reader,  
> thank you.  
> ~ Rainy

Dean was always aware that the road home never felt short. This time it was different. It still felt like it took forever but this time it was different. He finally had something to go home to. He was always slightly jealous of Sam. For the past two years Sam had someone he settled down with, as settled as Hunters can get, someone who gave him a home that wasn’t just a rundown motel with mysterious stains and strange smells. Now they both had a place where they could peacefully rest their heads.

It was a rare thing to be happy in this lifestyle. Hunters never got happy endings. Dean and Sam’s early years were formed by mystery and monsters as far back as Dean could remember. He learned how to handle a shotgun before he knew how to drive. It had always been him and Sammy against the world. Until they began to believe in angels and demons, that took both of them for a spin. He had never believed in angels until he met Castiel. Sam was terrified of demons until he met Ruby. Now they were all doing the impossible. They were happy. Granted it was unconventional, but at least they were happy.

“I’ll be home soon.” Dean whispered to himself. After weeks of being on the road hunting with Sam, he was starting to miss home. Home was Cas, home was their daughter, Sophia. A smile crept across his face. He never thought this would be his life. He never pictured being happy, especially with someone else in the picture with him that wasn’t just Sam.

The radio crackled as he crossed city lines. He was starting to pass “Welcome to” and “Now leaving” signs. He was slowly getting closer to “Welcome to Casper, Wyoming”. He remembered how much Castiel loved the mountains the first time he saw them in person. The sun was starting to set. His phone rang and lost in his thoughts of being home, he answered “Hey babe, I’m almost home…” The voice that responded wasn’t Castiel’s. It was a familiar voice, a voice that brought a little pain to his heart. 

“Who are you calling ‘babe’ these days Dean?” The woman responded with a bit of flirtation in her voice. He knew this voice all too well.  
“Lisa!” He exclaimed. “Uh, how the hell are ya’ and Ben doing?” Lisa was his first love. There was never a true discussion but it was always hinted at that Ben was his son, so Lisa always had a piece of his heart. But with the hunter life comes loneliness and isolation. It had torn them apart. They tried like hell for a year, but it wasn’t hard enough. Between Banshees and werewolves, Lisa couldn’t handle what Dean’s job came with. It was understandable. It was hard enough to get someone to believe that these things were real, let alone living with someone that fought them for a living. 

“I’m all right Dean, but…” her voice trailed off for a bit “there’s something going on around here and I didn’t know who else to call. His heart skipped a beat and he selfishly thought don’t let work take me away from Cas again. Please. 

He tried to hide the frustration in his voice. “Like what Lees?” He took his eyes off the road to close them and pray for just a second. Not like it would help. God gave up his responsibilities long ago. Dean was already trying to think of ways to get home to Cas and just forget the job for just a little bit. “I’ll always help you but…I – I’m almost home and it’s been weeks.” As soon as the words left his lips he realized how selfish it sounded and cringed. He was about to apologize for his crassness but her voice over road his.

“I didn’t know who else to call Dean. I’m sorry.” He could tell there was regret and sorrow in her voice. “I’ll just…”

“I’ll think of something to do, just give me some time. I’m still driving and almost home. I’m all the way in Wyoming.” He sighed. Castiel isn’t going to be happy. Plus, Dean’s been hiding this relationship from her, from a lot of people. “Let me call Sammy and…”

“Sorry to take you away from whoever you’re calling babe this month.” She always thought he was some sort of womanizer but the truth it, no one could ever stay with a Hunter. He would she feel about this side of Dean? She could barely handle him being a hunter. She never liked Castiel. Would she hate him even more now if he told her about them? Would she think it was his fault? He took a deep breath and imagined all the possible scenarios that might happen between Team Free Will and Lisa if she knew the truth. Castiel wasn’t just an angel, he was Dean’s angel. Dean reassured himself that the bottom line was that Sam would love him no matter what. “Thank you, Sunshine.” That’s what she always called him when she was happy. She hasn’t said that in a long time. He knew he broke her heart but in the long run, this was better for the both of them. She was free to have a normal life.

“Anytime, Star shine.” He chuckled. It had been forever since he had said that word. “I’ll call you soon.” He ended the call before she could say another word and pushed the gas pedal as hard as he could. Maybe Sam could solo this one. He quickly shook his head at the thought of asking Sam to do a job without him. 

That wasn’t what brothers did, especially the infamous Winchesters.


	2. Home Sweet Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can a hunter have a family, a life outside of hunting?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few bits of smut here.

Finally after the sun had set, he was home. He pulled into their driveway. It wasn’t much but it was home. The windows were dark except for a faint blue glow from his daughters’ window. She was still afraid of the dark. He tried to leave work at the door and never told her the truth, at least not yet. She was too young. He turned the key and opened the door. He took off his boots at the door. He hung his leather jacket in between his keys and Castiel’s favorite trench coat. He turned to go to the kitchen to grab a beer. He noticed a note on the pinned to the fridge. 

Hun,  
You’ve been gone for awhile. I just wanted to leave you something sweet to come home to. Try not to wake Sophie.  
~ Cas

He opened the refrigerator and saw a single piece of pie. A slight chuckle escaped his throat. He placed it back into the fridge and grabbed a beer. After the past two weeks, he deserved this beer. He cracked open his beer and headed upstairs to their bedroom. He peeked into Sophia’s room to see her fast asleep in her princess themed room.

“I missed you as much as she did you know?” Dean heard the gruff whisper of a just woken up Castiel. There was something about that voice that made him smile in a way that he never had before. Castiel smirked and grabbed Dean’s hand. That smile evoked the only happiness Dean had honestly felt in a long time. It was more than just lust, it was more than just love, it was something untouchable. It made his heart roar. It made him want to be more than a hunter, he wanted to be a hero. “I haven’t seen you in weeks, hun.” He took the beer from Dean’s hand and pulled him closer, tugging at his belt. “Kiss me already.”

“That’s it?” Dean raised an eyebrow. He leaned in wrapping his arms around his waist. “I’m pretty sure we have a room for this…” his voice deepened as he felt the blood rush through him. Kissing Castiel’s neck he felt him purr. Of all of Dean’s past lovers Castiel was the only one to make him want to be romantic, to be a better man. Whatever this feeling is, it feels like home. 

I’m home.

His heart jumped as Castiel pulled him towards the bedroom. “It’s been weeks without you Dean.” Dean knew what that meant. Even in the dark, he knew every inch of Castiel without a second guess. He was right, it had been weeks and the tension was slowly building. “Even a day is too long.”

“You’re getting sappy Cas.” Dean felt his cheeks flush. He slid his hands up Castiel’s shirt and lifted it over his head, kissing from his neck, to his collarbone, to his chest. He felt Cas squirm under him. “Show me how much you missed me.” Castiel bit at Dean’s neck as Dean held his hands above his head. Such a simple act made Dean’s entire body quiver. He felt Castiel trying to escape his grasp. He bit him back and released his hands. Castiel’s hands pawed at Dean’s belt buckle. He pushed his hips in tandem with Castiel’s. Castiel flipped him over onto his back to remove his clothing. His hands made it to Dean’s belt finally, with force, Dean was left with nothing on but his boxers. Fingers running wild, breathing heavier with each passing second, nothing needed to be said to know what each other needed. Dean placed his hands on Castiel’s hips, feeling his thighs getting hotter. Castiel ran his fingers over Dean’s chest down to his abs, down to the lining of his boxers. “Cas baby…” Dean moaned as he reversed their roles as quickly as Castiel did. He wrapped his hand around everything Dean had to offer him, with his legs around his waist. Castiel guided Dean’s hands into him, where he needed to be, with grunts and moans escaping his lips as he felt the tip of Dean with anticipation.

“Shh…” Dean whispered into Castiel’s ear, nipping at his ear lobe as he told Castiel what to do. With ecstasy increasing, Dean’s pupils dilated. He loved the way Castiel sounded when Dean was in control, it only made his erection harder and it became even harder not to cum the second Castiel moaned his name. Endorphin's rushed to his brain, firing all the pleasure synapses. “Jesus Cas, I missed you..I don’t know how much longer I can last…” Dean felt Castiel rock his hips and his fingers grasping at the head board. His soft breathing turned into quick panting. He read Castiel’s body language and knew that he was about to cum. “Already baby?” Dean smirked as Castiel grabbed Dean’s ass and pushed him deeper. Dean slowed down, to tease him a bit, like he was barely there and with that motion Castiel whimpered. “You ready to cum for me Cassie?” he said, starting to pant as fast as Castiel. Castiel nodded furiously with his eyes clenched closed.

“I wanna’ cum for y—you!” As Castiel got closer, his wings spread. In the throes of passion, he couldn’t hide his wings. Dean picked up the pace and shoved himself deep in to Castiel, forcing both of them to cum. Castiel let out a deep, panting yet muffled scream of pleasure. Dean closed his eyes and collapsed onto Castiel, almost seeing fireworks. Rolling to his side, he looked at Castiel who still had his eyes shut, enjoying the feeling that Dean gave him. Dean gave him a gentle kiss on his neck.

“I know you Cas, and I know what you like.” Dean winked. The couple kissed each other softly and Castiel’s wings folded back in, post-orgasm.”Were things okay while I was away?”

“You’re not very good at pillow talk.” Castiel nuzzled into the crook of Dean’s neck and gave a sigh of pleasure. “Things were okay. She’s starting to ask questions you know…”

Dean sighed as the dopamine faded away and he was brought back to Earth. “What are you telling her?”

“What I’ve been telling her every time she asks…’we’ll talk about it when daddy gets home’ that’s all I could really think of.”

Dean sat up, placing his head in his hands, finally recalling the conversation he had with Lisa, just a few hours ago and there was no way his was going to bring it up in this moment. “I’m going to shower, wanna’ join me?” He got up and walked to the bathroom with Castiel following him.

Drying off in the bed room, getting into his boxers for the night, Castiel brought Sophia up again. “We can’t keep lying to her. She’s going to find out the wrong way at some point.”

“Cas, not now, please” Dean pleaded

“Well when?!” Dean could hear the frustration in his voice without even facing him. He felt his heart sink to the floor. “She has to hear it from us at some time Dean!”


	3. A Hunter's Princess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The introduction of Sophia and a little more world building

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of possible homophobia. Nothing too extreme yet.

“Daddy…?” the tiny voice peaked into the bedroom, she must’ve heard them arguing. “You’re home!” Sophia ran into Dean’s arms and wrapped her tiny arms around his neck as he picked her up with ease.

“Why aren’t you in bed, sweetheart?” Dean asked softly with a playful tone to his voice, hoping she didn’t hear too much. “C’mon, back to bed we go. It’s late and daddy and papa need their rest too.”

“But daddy, you’re home now!”

“And I’ll be here when you wake up princess. I pinky promise I’ll be right here when you wake up, sweetheart.” He said as he was carrying her back to her room. “Maybe we can have a fun day tomorrow, just you and me.” Sophia smiled as she crawled back under her sheets. “Can papa come sing me a lullaby?”

“Do you promise to have sweet dreams for me?” Dean said softly. She nodded quickly. “Okay.” Dean walked back to his bedroom where Castiel was slipping into his pajamas. Dean smiled while standing in the doorway. Even after all this time, Castiel was still the most beautiful person he ever fell in love with. 

“She’s asking for a lullaby.” He smiled as he wrapped his arms around Castiel and placed his head on his shoulder. 

“You should start singing to her.” Castiel teased. “I’m sure she’d adore Back in Black before bed time.” He said as he began to walk out of their room. Dean laid down in bed, with his head on the pillow, an actual pillow and not a motel’s version of one. In the year that Dean and Castiel had custody of Sophia, she never slept until she got to hear a lullaby. On the nights that Dean was home, he would always eavesdrop on Castiel singing to her. 

Tonight it was “Hallelujah” and maybe Dean was biased but it was one of the most beautiful things he had heard since his mother would sing “Hey Jude” to him as a child before he fell asleep every night before her death. Sammy doesn’t remember it but Dean certainly did. That was before the hunting, before the monsters. 

Well I've heard there was a secret chord  
That David played and it pleased the Lord  
But you don't really care for music, do you?  
Well it goes like this:  
The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift  
The baffled king composing Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah

Fast forward to now. Here he was, away from his brother, his parents both passed, and in love with an actual angel who was singing a lullaby to his daughter. When the hunting began Dean sold it to himself that he would never be truly happy and that he would never have a normal life. Granted being in a romantic relationship with an angel wasn’t normal but he was happy, he was in true love and that made literal Hell worth it.

Castiel came back into the bedroom. “I heard you singing. It was nice.” Castiel smiled. It was all these small things that made living worth it. If it weren’t for Castiel Dean was sure he would still be in Hell. “I’ll talk to her tomorrow, I promise.” Dean offered his hand to Castiel to pull him to bed. “I don’t think Carla will be too happy about this, if it makes it way to her.” 

Carla was Sophia’s mother. That was two, almost three years ago. Dean met her in a dive bar one night after a hunt, and one thing led to another, and another, which lead to Sophia. Dean never considered Carla to be a good mother, that’s why she gave Sophia up to him as soon as she could. No court, no argument, nothing. It was almost disheartening. 

“Well, try explaining to a 3 year old that her papa is an angel and daddy hunts monsters when he’s away on business.” Castiel brought his fingers to his temples. “I guess it’s time to bite the bullet on this one.” Dean wrapped his arms around his angel. He was searching his brain to find a way and a time to tell him about Lisa calling. Maybe tomorrow after they have their day with Sophia. 

Just as the thought arose, Dean’s phone rang. “Who could be calling at this hour?” Castiel inquired.

“Maybe it’s Sammy.” He hoped like hell it was. He looked at the phone and it showed Sam’s goofy face. He breathed a sigh of relief but felt Castiel’s eyes shift with suspicion. “Hey, what’s up?” He stood up and walked to the living room where he paced back and forth. 

“You know Lisa called, right?” Sam knew. She must’ve called him too. Sam knew Dean wanted to back out whatever this situation was but he had too much pride to just let it go. “Told me you said you would get back to her. I’m assuming you’re putting it off for some reason. Would that reason be Cas? Let’s just go help her so we can get back home.” Sam was always the reasonable one between the two of them.

“You know she doesn’t know…Sammy, she uhh…doesn’t agree with…us” Dean said with pain in his voice referring to his relationship with Castiel.

“So? Who gives a fuck? As long as you’re happy brother, I’ll always be there.” Dean sighed.

“I know Sammy, I know. Did she say anything about what was going on?” His pacing increased. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know but he had to ask.

“Not much really. I think it might just be a spirit, a ghost. Nothing we haven’t handled before. Like she said, she didn’t know who else to call. Where you wanna’ go from here is up to you.”

“I don’t know where to go with this Sammy. I love Cas, you know that. Just…if she calls again, tell her I’m thinking on it or something. I just…” he ran his hands through his fingers. “I’m not ready to leave home yet. For once, I’m happy and I don’t want to keep leaving and chance losing this.”

“I know Dean. Don’t worry, I got it.” The phone clicked.


	4. Taking Life Head On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every couple struggles with one thing or another. Can Dean and Castiel make it through their troubles?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having trouble with the upcoming chapters. Hope this meets the readers expectations :)
> 
> There's a lot of dialogue in this chapter.

Dean turned to go back to the bedroom. To his shock, he saw Castiel standing in the doorway. His arms crossed and eyes flickering and wings about to spread. Despite being on Earth, strong emotions brought out his wings. “Is there something we need to talk about, Dean?” His tone getting deeper through gritted teeth. 

“I really don’t have the energy for this Cas.” He tried to push pass him.

“Too fucking bad.” Castiel shoved him back, which took him by surprise.

“I guess we do then. Lisa called. She wants me to help, says something weird is going on around there.” He slumped into the couch since it was obvious this wasn’t going to be a quick conversation. “I didn’t know how to tell you and I just got home and I’m certainly not ready to leave you and Sophie this soon.”

“You still love her, don’t you?” Castiel’s voice shifted from anger to jealousy.

“You know it’s not like that!” Dean protested.

“No, I don’t! You leave for weeks at a time and I just have to trust your word that you’re going where you say you’re going!” Dean put his head in his hands.

“You’re going to wake Sophie, Cas! You know how I feel about Lisa. I’m not giving up my life with you, my love, and Sophia who I would give up everything for, no matter what Lisa has to offer, you fucking know that! Don’t be stupid. I love you…”

“Sometimes love doesn’t solve everything! Sometimes I need more from you than just love damn it!” His wings started to flare out more. “Come out to her! Tell her about us or I will! I gave up everything for you, I betrayed my brothers and sisters for you and you can’t even be honest! It’s like you refuse to admit that you love me!”

Dean’s heart sunk into his stomach. He never imagined losing Castiel. He was finally happy, and now this. Sam knew. Wasn’t that enough? Dean rubbed his temples and threw his head back and groaned. “I’ll tell her Cas…” he finally admitted to himself that it was time. He wasn’t going to risk losing Castiel. “I just don’t know how to yet.”

“Well, find a way, and find it soon Dean. I refuse to be your secret.” His tone softened into sadness. He turned his back to Dean and walked back to the bedroom, alone. Dean let out a sigh of frustration.

_What the fuck am I doing?_

He whispered to himself. He sat forward and started to stand to head back to the bedroom. His phone made that familiar ping sound and he looked down. It was from Lisa.

_Call me. It’s important._

Was it really? He shut his eyes and pressed the call button. The phone rang twice before Lisa picked it up sounding almost breathless. “What’s wrong? I’m really busy right now…” He lied.

“Ben and I had to leave! It was getting too crazy!” There was panic in her voice. It seems like things are getting serious, in a bad way. “We need you Dean.” She pleaded. Now fear was starting to seep in. His eyes widened. He thought she was originally just over reacting, but now it was obvious that she wasn’t.

“Okay, okay. Take a breath and slow down for a second, I can barely understand you. Where are you?”

“We went to a motel around here. Whatever’s going on is no longer just creepy, it’s getting dangerous.” Her voice got softer, almost to a whisper. “I’m scared for Ben’s safety…” Dean began pacing again, his heart was speeding up. Damn him for wanting to be a hero. 

“All right, can you give me some time? I need to call Sam and ask a favor of him.” He cleared his throat. What was he saying? He couldn’t stop the words from spilling out of his mouth. “I need him to watch Sophia for Cas and I. He’s coming with me…” He hadn’t even asked Castiel yet, but it was like verbal diarrhea. Maybe it was the guilt he felt from disappointing Castiel, maybe he was just too tired to lie to her right now.

“What? Why?” She seemed stunned and taken back.

“Because…if you want me to come, he comes.” 

“O-okay…” her voice trailed off. He wasn’t sure if that was good or not. If he were face to face with her it would be easier to tell. He could always tell her true intentions when he could look into her eyes. “But…who is Sophia? Is that your girlfriend? Why would Sam need to watch your girlfriend?” He forgot when he started spilling everything that she had no idea about any of his life.

“She…she’s not my girlfriend. She’s my daughter.” He had a soft smile.

“Since when did you have a daughter?” She inquired almost with what seemed like jealousy in her voice.

“She’s almost three.” He felt a little bit of pride.

“Oh…uhm…okay…so…you’ll be here in the morning?”

“If Sammy will watch Sophia for me, then yeah I’ll call you when we’re on the way.” He hung up. He felt a lump in his throat as he swallowed. His mouth felt like a dessert and his tongue felt like sandpaper. His brain registered what he had just done. This was going to blow up in his face, he could feel it. 

He tip toed back to the bedroom hoping Castiel had already fallen asleep. He was wrong. Castiel was sitting on the edge of the bed, wiping a small tear off of his face with the palm of his hand. “Well…how long are you going to be gone this time?” There was a little bit of spite in his voice.

“WE are leaving in the morning.” Castiel turned his head to look at Dean, his bright blue eyes were solemn and red lined. It was obvious he had been crying and that hurt Dean more than he would care to admit. “So get some sleep. I’m calling Sam in the morning to ask if he’ll watch Sophie for us.”

Dean got into bed, pulled Castiel to him and forced him to drape his arm over him. “Good night Cas.”

“Uhm…good night Dean…” He closed his eyes, scooting closer to Dean resting his head on the crook of Dean’s neck and sighed. “I love you.”

“Mmm. I love you too Cas.”


	5. Peace in Paradise...so far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a decent amount of **smut** here, so if you don't like that, I'll put the bullet points at the end.
> 
> Do you guys like longer chapters or shorter ones? Trying to find a good balance. Feel free to leave comments or message me, it would really help to let me know how you guys feel about this.

The sun’s rays filtered through their bedroom window as it rose. Dean groaned with annoyance. He looked at the clock as his eyes adjusted to being awake. 6 AM had come way too soon. He gently slipped out of Cas’ arms and walked into Sophia’s room. She was still fast asleep and he felt somewhat guilty for having to wake her just to tell her he wasn’t going to be with her today.

He decided it would probably be a good idea to call Sam first to see if he was even willing to watch Sophia for him. He went back into the bedroom and grabbed his phone. He dialed Sam’s number and it rang and rang until Sam answered in a groggy voice. “This better be good.” Dean smiled. Sam had become more of a night owl since he met Ruby. He had probably just gotten to bed.

“I gotta’ ask you a big favor, man.” 

“What is it now Dean?” He knew Sam didn’t mean it in a rude way but after dealing with Dean’s shit for all these years, he had done more favors for him than he could count. Some of which were more honest than others.  
“I need you to watch Sophia for me, for a day or two. Please.” Dean crossed his fingers. He doubted Sam would say no, but there was always a chance.

“Why can’t Cas watch her while you go play Ghost Buster?”

Dean paused and breathed in. “Cas is coming with me this time...” He hoped Sam understood what this meant to him. “To Lisa’s?” He could tell he had Sam’s attention now. “Are you sure?”

“Well, you doubting me don’t make exactly fill me with confidence Sammy.” Dean’s tone was flat and serious.

“Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Yeah..So, can you?”

“Sure. I’m sure Ruby wouldn’t mind. Bring her over whenever.”

“Thanks man. I owe you. Big time.”  
\----

Dean tapped End Call. He went back to the bedroom and nudged Castiel. He mumbled something under his breath and rolled away. Dean crawled into the bed next to him and kissed his neck, wrapped his arm around his waist, and nudged him again, this time with his hips. He breathed on Castiel’s neck. “C’mon. Wakey, wakey.” Castiel smiled when he felt the breath on the back of his neck. It made his hair stand on end. “Cassie…” Dean whispered.

“Get up for me.” His voice deepened and his lips flushed a deeper shade of pink. He licked his lips, moving his hand down to the line of Castiel’s boxers, letting his finger tips slide a little further down when he felt Castiel push his hips into him, his eyes still closed. 

“Dean…what are you doing?” Castiel said sheepishly rolling his hips again. “What time is it?”

“Does it matter?” Dean whispered into his ear, pulling him closer like they were going to merge into one being.

“Nu-uh…” Castiel turned onto his back opening his eyes. “Good morning.” His ocean blue eyes focused on Dean’s face. He craned his neck upward to kiss Dean. “I’m awake now.”

“Good.” He gave a sly smile like he was up to no good. 

“I know that smile.” Castiel shifted his weight and pulled Dean onto him. “C’mere hunter, I owe you one.” He pulled the covers over both of them and shimmied out of his boxers, pulling Dean’s down just enough so he could feel his ass against his cock. He grabbed Dean’s erection, feeling it grow harder in his hands. Dean unintentionally hunched his back, holding himself up on his palms. Castiel began to move his hand up and down as he placed his other hand on Dean’s cheek. “Suck.” He commanded. Dean opened his mouth, more than happy to oblige. It was Dean’s guilty pleasure to be dominated occasionally by Castiel. 

He was never submissive in life, so feeling Castiel take control made him lose himself. Dean’s tongue swirled around Castiel’s fingers and leaned forward when Castiel tried to remove them. “You’re gunna’ do what I say, hunter.” Whenever Castiel took control, he simply called him “hunter” as though Dean didn’t deserve his name. Dean released Castiel’s fingers from his mouth, sticking his tongue out with want, and leaned forward.  
“Good boy” Castiel praised as he placed his fingers against Dean’s entrance. “Now crawl down and kiss my hips hunter.” Dean moaned as he started sliding down onto Castiel’s hips, slowly kissing on his way down. Castiel watched as Dean closed his eyes in pleasure and moaned softly. His eyes slowly fluttered as he looked up towards Castiel and Castiel could see Dean's soul in his hazel green eyes.

“C-Cas…I want it…please…” Dean heard the pop sound of the lubrication bottle opening. Dean sucked in air through his teeth, making a slight hissing noise. Soon he felt the warm liquid of the lube slide up and down his lovers' cock with Castiel's hands, spreading it the entire length. 

“What do you want, hunter? Huh?” Castiel's pupils dilated from lust. The blue eyes that stole Dean's heart and soul, were now small rings glimmering with specks of blue and white. 

“I want whatever you will let me have angel.” Dean's voice was deep with lust.

“Only if you’re quiet for me.” Dean nodded like he didn’t even have to think about what he was agreeing to. Castiel wrapping his fingers through out Dean's dark brown hair. “Open.” That was all he had to say before Dean's warm lips and even warmer tongue was wrapped around Castiel's shaft, tasting the strawberry flavor lubrication that Castiel used earlier. Dean moaned as Castiel pulled his hair and pushed Dean's head deeper onto him. “Do you want it, hunter?” Castiel almost growled. 

“Please…” Dean groaned “Give me your dick Cas. Now.” Dean pleaded as he pulled his head up.

“Are you commanding me, hunter? Did I tell you to stop?” Castiel said firmly raising an eyebrow and a half smirk. “Suck a little bit more, make it nice and wet. I'm going to be dominant today, hunter.”

“N-n-no…I would never do that baby, just want...need it.” Castiel’s eyes light up as Dean admits to wanting him. Dean opened his mouth and leaned back down and felt Castiel's dick hit the back of his throat. He hummed, ever so slightly to send vibrations through Castiel. He ran his fingers through Dean's hair, so soft, he couldn't help but tug at it and he felt Dean go a little deeper and moan. Finally Castiel pulled Dean up so that Dean was straddling Castiel.

Dean started to pull off his boxers but Castiel grabbed his hands and shook his head no. He sat on Castiel, a leg on either side of his hips. Castiel slid Dean’s boxers down just enough to show his ass and pull out his erection. Castiel spread a little more lube. He may be wanting to be dominant but that doesn't mean he wants to hurt Dean. He licked his fingers and rubbed them against Dean’s entrance again, preparing him. Castiel positioned Dean, forcing him up on his knees and pushed himself in to Dean, then grabbed his hips, forcing him to go to the pace Castiel wanted. That’s all it took for Dean. The minute Castiel took control of Dean, it was over for Dean. A few pumps and some dirty talk is all it took before Dean told him to slow down, unless Castiel wanted him to cum right now. Dean could feet the sticky, warm goo building in his stomach and his toes start to curl. “Now finish me off.” Dean’s hips hopped up and down, his hands gently on Castiel’s throat. Dean smashed his lips against Castiel as his wings spread out completely, and Dean knew he was close.

“Cum for me, angel…” Almost on cue, he felt Castiel twitch and let out a loud moan and pulled Dean on to him. They both let out a sigh. 

“Shower?”

“Shower.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Sam agrees to watch Sophie
> 
> \- Next chapter should make up for the extreme amount of smut here.
> 
> \- LOTS of smut, sorry. Next chapter will be a little less smutty, just a little. hehe


	6. To hunt or not to hunt, that is the question.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Packing for the hunting trip and trying to find a way to tell Sophie without breaking her heart. Dean would do almost anything to not have to make her feel anything but happy.
> 
> Eventually there's an idea, maybe. Then again, everything Dean tries, back fires on him.

Dean started packing. He turned around to see Castiel with his arms folded. “What?” Dean said, his eyes looking for some sort of body language cue, there was nothing.

“I told Lisa you’re coming with me, don't you remember? Or did you forget because of last night” Dean winked and explained, hoping that would defuse the anger. “Sam said he would watch Sophie for us.” Castiel’s arms fell to his side, looking more like defeat than relief. Dean looked at him slightly confused. He thought that’s what Castiel wanted, wasn’t it? “Did...did I do something wrong?”

“You know I trust Sam…”

“But?”

“But…I don’t trust Ruby…” Dean could see where Castiel was coming from. After all, he didn’t expect an angel to get along with an actual demon.

“You know Sam wouldn’t put Sophia in danger. He’s watched her before Cas. C’mon.” Dean stopped packing and folded his arms across his chest. He gave Castiel a look that basically said:

_are you fucking serious_

“Okay, okay…I’ll start packing, I guess. But good luck telling Sophie you’re not going to be spending the day with her.” Dean’s heart sank. He had completely forgotten about spending the day with Sophie. His brain was so preoccupied with handling whatever was coming their way.

\----------

After he was finished packing, he sucked up his pride and walked to Sophie's room. He gave a faint knock as he opened the door. “Good morning Princess...” Dean smiled, trying to hide how horrible he felt for what he was about to do. “What are you doing?” An eyebrow raised as he saw her spinning in circles in front of the mirror.

“I'm making sure my dress sparkles for our day out, daddy!” She stopped spinning and ran towards him, with all the force her tiny body had. He felt her squeeze around him, barley able to reach his waist. He knelt down, picked her up, and sat on her bright pink princess bed. She placed a kiss on his cheek. Her smile was so wide you could see all of her baby teeth. 

“It's beautiful Sophie.” His voice broke a little. He was trying to keep his eyes dry. Even though she was only three, she could sense when daddy was about to leave. Her smile started to fade, not exactly into a frown but a neutral face like she was used to this happening.

_Fuck it_

“I'll be right back Sophie. I gotta' talk to Papa and call uncle Sammy, okay?” She plopped down on her bed, starting to take off her tiara and her dress. “No baby, don't take that off, you look beautiful. Trust me, I'll be back before you can braid your hair."

Dean closed her door, with an idea in his head. He walked down the hallway to Dean and Castiel's room. He stopped in the doorway, leaning against the side, simply watching Castiel pack his clothes. Smiling a little bit, just enjoying the sight of his boyfriend shirtless. Castiel finally looked up.

“You have a smile on your face...what have you done now?” There was a bit of hesitance in his voice mixed with a tad bit of curiosity.


	7. The Maiden Fair

“You know I hate to admit when you're right...” Dean stood up straight and walked into the bedroom, wrapping his arms around Castiel's waist, placing his chin on his shoulder. “You're right...I couldn't break the news to Sophie so there's going to be a change of plans.” Castiel finished folding his shirt then paused and turned to face Dean. “I'll call Lisa, give her the directions to one of the hide outs and her and Ben can stay there for a night or maybe two.”

“Are you sure you want to tell Lisa about that...?” Castiel agreed with the idea, but there was a serious tone. “I mean, safe houses are meant to be, well, safe.”

“I can't just let her and Ben hide out in a shitty motel with no cable, that's just cruel.” Dean was trying to put humor into an already tricky situation, that was his specialty. Gallows humor, if you were going to be a hunter, you have to have it. Castiel reached towards the nightstand without losing eye contact, picked up the cell phone and pressed it against Dean's chest.

“Then you know what to do, Mr. Heartbreaker.” Castiel ducked out under Dean's arms and left the room.

A few moments later Dean heard the noise of pans clashing around in the kitchen followed by Sophie bolting down the hallway and heard Castiel make the 'oomf' noise of Sophie crashing into him with all of her might. He could hear Castiel's laugh as she squealed with excitement. 

Scrolling through his contacts, he brought up Lisa's name. His thumb hovered over the “CALL” button, his heart feeling like it was about to explode, steadily rising up into his throat. He pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled. No time like the present change everything and pray like hell nothing fucks up. Tapping the green button and holding the phone up to his ear. 

_Silence_

Finally there was at least some ringing, and more ringing. Heart still pounding in his throat, the ringing stopped followed by the soft female voice he had heard a million times before now. “Hello?”

“Hey Lees...” Time seemed to slow down as he was waiting for a response. He could hear what sounded like a highway full of cars in the background. “You there?”

“Yeah, I'm here.” Her tone was flat, almost robotic. Just a few hours ago she was in full blown panic like she was on the edge of a building about to jump and now it was like nothing had happened.

“Do you still want my help with –“ he let the sentence trail off. You could never be too sure if someone was listening or spying. It was easier to just be careful, rather than trying to explain your way out of telling someone that you're hunting monsters for a living. All he could hear was the rumbling of the highway and the static of a broken television in the background. More silence. “Lisa?” 

_Thump thump thump  
Thump thump thump_

He inhaled through his nose and exhaled through his mouth trying to slow his heart rate but it wasn't working. There was no reason for him to feel this way, for his heart to be beating so hard and fast that he swore Lisa could probably hear it through the phone. His ears flushed red hot and his mouth became dry as he started pacing around the bedroom.

“Dean.” As she spoke his name she finally began to sound human again. Maybe the stress was getting to her, running from something you don't yet understand, and only a handful of people would actually believe you. “I'm so sorry, I'm just so tired. I haven't slept recently.” She began to crack. Lisa is a strong woman, whatever this was, it was definitely something big if it was enough to bring Lisa down like this.

“There's uh...a bit of a change, but we can still keep you safe, I promise.”

“We? You and Sam? I mean that would be okay but Sam doesn't really know me so I don't know how he...” Dean cut her off before she could finish even her thought.

“I meant Cas and I, Lisa, not Sam. He's busy.” Dean didn't want Lisa to know that Sam had a life with Ruby now. Dean was trying to do everything he could to keep Sam out of the family business as long as he could. Every now and again he would call on Sam, but he hated himself when he did.

“Why Castiel?” She never seemed to like or even want to call him anything but Castiel. It made a part of his brain twitch, like there was something wrong with that. Anytime the two of them were face to face, Castiel was nothing but kind to her. “I think you're starting to spend too much time with him,” 

Once again, he avoided telling Lisa that him and Castiel were a couple, living together, with a daughter. He finally stopped pacing, he knew he wasn't entirely ready to tell Lisa the whole truth, especially not right now while they were in the middle of all of this potential chaos.

“Heh, maybe but he's a good guy so, when Sam's not around, he makes sure I stay out of trouble.” He smiled as he thought about Castiel, knowing he was only a few rooms away with their daughter being happy just by being together. “Anyways, Sam and I have a hide out spot that you could stay in for a few days until I can get to you. I'll give you the directions. I mean, it's nothing special but it'll keep the two of you safe.” Dean was hoping bringing up the cabin would divert Lisa from asking more questions about what was going on in his life, especially his love life.

“Okay I guess, if you think it will keep Ben and I safe...” Lisa knew that if she brought up Ben, Dean would probably give her whatever she wanted. “Text me the directions, as soon as possible please.” She hung up the phone with not so much as a thank you or a good bye. That rubbed him the wrong way.

He opened his text messages and typed Lisa's number into the sender list:

_2413 Mayfair Drive_  
Branson, Missouri   
65615  
It's one of those hidden in plain sight places so even though Branson is huge, you'll be fine. There's a key under the mat.   
-D 

Dean tossed the phone onto the bed and followed the smell of bacon towards the kitchen. Rounding the corner he saw Sophia sitting in one of the chairs at the kitchen table, her legs swinging back and forth, her eyes were following every move Castiel made. 

“Daddy!” Her legs stopped swinging when she saw Dean walking into the kitchen. She ran up to him and grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the counter. “Papa is making pancakes for breakfast today! I get M&M's in mine, what do you want in yours?” Dean looked at Castiel steadily stirring M&M's into the pancake mix he had made from scratch. That was one thing Dean absolutely loved about Castiel, he was one hell of a cook once he got a hang of human food. Dean knelt down to Sophia's view, wiped the batter off of her cheek, she had obviously stuck her fingers in where they shouldn't have been. She definitely had her father's eyes.

“Hmm...I think...blueberries sound good. What do you think Papa?” He smiled at Castiel and gave him a subtle wink. “and maybe, if you're a good girl and eat all your breakfast, we can go to the fair today.” Her eyes sparked up like fireworks. She began twirling like a ballerina with her eyes closed. Castiel slid the pancakes from the pan onto her plate, along with freshly cut fruit. She stopped spinning and looked at her plate, scrunching her nose.  
“Do I have to eat the fruit Papa?” She began to fake pout, sticking out her lower lip and quivering it like she was about to cry.

“If you want those M&M pancakes you do. No pouting, princesses don't pout over eating fruit with their breakfast.” He turned towards the refrigerator and grabbed a cup full of blueberries, placing them on the counter. She stuck her fork into the center of the cut up pancakes, smiling as she tasted the chocolate bits scattered throughout, followed by a delighted 'mmmm' sound. Dean sat across from her, with his favorite mug filled with coffee, black. 

He watched Castiel mixing the blueberries into the batter and slowly pouring the blueberry mixture into the pan, standing there with the spatula waiting to flip them over. Dean placed his mug back onto the table and stood up, giving Sophia a kiss on the forehead. He casually leaned against the counter listening to Castiel softly humming “Amazing Grace”. He may not be in Heaven anymore but that didn't make him any less of an angel. 

Dean slid closer to him, watching the raw side start to bubble up and Castiel slipping the spatula under and flipping them over,”I called Lisa.” He tried to whisper so Sophia didn't hear about something she wasn't ready to understand. 

“And?”

“She sounded hesitant but didn't put up much of an argument so I gave her the address so I guess only time will tell,” Dean gave a slight shrug. “If there's a problem, she knows my number, or even better, Sam's number. Not to be selfish or anything.”

“All right. Well, let's start doing the family thing. Eat breakfast, go to the fair, give our daughter way too much sugar.” He slid a small stack of pancakes onto the two plates that Dean was holding out with a smile. “Don't tell me you want yours cut up too.”

“I'm a big boy, I can take care of myself.” He opened the utensil drawer and grabbed two forks and two knives, placing everything on the kitchen table. “What d'you want to drink?” He opened the door and the cold chill gave him goosebumps. 

“OJ sounds good for me. You really should cut back on the coffee.” Dean pulled the carton of orange juice and poured a glass and put it on Castiel's part of the table. Sophia was almost done with her breakfast before Castiel even had a chance to sit down. She didn't get to spend a lot of days with Dean so every time that she did she was beyond elated, her legs swinging back and forth anxiously. She picked at the fruit on her plate with her fork. 

“Sophie, honey, we talked about this. No fruit, no fair. You know that.”

She left out a small huff of defiance but slowly ate the colorful amount of food on her plate. “All done!” She picked up her plate and showed it to Castiel, proving that she had indeed, finished everything. “Now get dressed for the fair!” Dean gave a half smile to her. Not only did she have his eyes, she also had his spirit and attitude. Dean picked up the plates and carried them to the sink and began to wash them, Looking back at Castiel to see him wiping off Sophia's face and hands, attempting to hold her in place long enough to do so. 

“Whatever you say princesses, but don't complain to me when you get sticky syrup in your pretty hair.” Castiel stood up and picked her up from the chair. “Let's at least bring you another outfit in case it gets too hot out. We don't want your pretty dress to get all dirty and ruined.” He headed to her room where she picked out a pair of jean shorts with sunflowers embroidered on them and a white cami shirt that had different colored sunflowers on it.

“How's that?” She held up her secondary outfit choice.

“Perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure everyone knows what "Amazing Grace" is but just in case
> 
> _Amazing Grace, How sweet the sound_  
>  That saved a wretch like me  
> I once was lost, but now am found  
> T'was blind but now I see  
> T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear  
> And Grace, my fears relieved  
> How precious did that grace appear  
> The hour I first believed 


	8. Cotton candy, sugar sweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day at the fair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A tiny bit of homophobia.

After all these years Dean had managed to keep his dad's 1967 Chevy Impala in the best condition possible. It looked brand new, sounded brand new. She was probably in the top 5 list of things he cares about. Dean held the passenger door open for Sophia to climb into followed by Castiel. No one but Dean was allowed to drive his baby, even if it was an emergency, but he had become more relaxed since Sophia arrived into this world.

They arrived at the fair and it was a lot hotter and a lot more crowded than they thought it would be, but as long as their little girl was happy, that's all that mattered. The trio bought their tickets and had those colorful paper bracelets around them. As they stepped through the gate, they were greeted with smell of cotton candy, corn dogs, and many other sweets. 

“You're going to need to brush your teeth the minute we get home Sophie.” She squeezed Castiel's hand tight and tried to pull him towards the cotton candy machine. “All right, all right, I'm coming.” He grabbed Dean's hand to pull him with them and whispered “if I have to suffer through a fair full of sugar upped kids, so do you.” Dean playfully dug his heels into the ground in a slight protest. 

Waiting in line for Sophie's sugar-on-a-stick concoction, Dean was fishing for his wallet. He knew that places like the fair completely jacked up the prices of everything. They were getting closer and closer to being the next ones up, they were third in line now, it took 15 minutes to get this far, in the heat. Out of the corner of his eye Dean saw two men nudging and whispering to each other. For a moment he hadn't given it any attention until they started pointing to Castiel. Dean tried to look forward and ignore what he was sure that they were saying, after all, this was a day out for his daughter and nothing was going to ruin that, They finally got up front and made their requests. Dean slapped a 10 dollar bill onto the counter. “Keep the change, man.” Dean didn't want to be near these guys longer than he had to. He refused to make a scene in front of his daughter.

The fluff of sticky candy was bigger than Sophia's face, but she was happy. “After this, can we ride the carousel?”  
“Well, that's one of the reasons we're here Sophie. It's your day.” Castiel ruffled her hair and smiled at her as they were taking their time walking towards the various rides so she could finish her treat, The farther and farther they moved away from the entrance the more you could smell a mixture of hot dogs and horse hay. Sophia finally threw away the empty cotton candy stick, let go of their hands and ran up to the gate of the carousel. She began rocking back and forth on her heels to her toes.

“Hurry up!” She waved her hands in an exaggerated movement. The couple picked up their pace, with Dean almost at a full sprint. Once they finally caught up, Castiel handed the operator $2. The operator looked them over up and down. Dean raised an eyebrow as Castiel put his arm across Dean's chest as if to say 'stop' without actually saying it.

“One of ya'll needs to be on the ride with her...” Dean could still feel this strangers' eyes looking him up and down and not in a flirtation way.

Dean and Castiel looked down and Sophia. “Do you want daddy or papa to go with you?” Her eyes darted back and forth like there was a wrong answer to the question. “How about we let daddy go with you this time? I'll go with you on the next ride.” That seemed to relieve the tension she was feeling and she grabbed Dean's hand and pulled him towards one of the porcelain horses, with the saddle painted a light brown in contrast with the reigns being bright reds and blues, accented with golden lines. “This is the one you want?”

“Yeah, 'cause it's the only one that's right next to another one, so we can be close together. D'uh.” Dean smiled. He was pretty sure he had the best daughter that a man could ever have. Finally the music started and the horses slowly starting to move up and down. As it spun, for a few seconds he could see Castiel and he would smile as he saw the horses reflections in Castiel's sunglasses. 

The third time around he saw those same guys that were behind them earlier coming up to him and it didn't look like they wanted to have a friendly conversation. Thankfully, the ride stopped. He picked Sophia up in his arms. “Honey, hold onto me tight and close your eyes okay?” He noticed a bit of fear in her eyes. “Don't worry, everything is fine, daddy just has to talk to some mean people.”

Dean walked up to the strangers handing Sophia over to Castiel. He loved Castiel with all of his heart but Castiel was too much of a pacifist to deal with people like this. “Cas, take Sophie over to the games.”

“Dean...” Castiel began to say in that deep, you're about to do something stupid, voice. “Just be smart about this...we have our daughter with us.”

“Which is exactly why they should leave us alone.” Dean put himself in between the strangers and his loved ones. “Go, Cas.” Castiel looked at Dean like he was willing him to leave it alone. The strangers weren't much taller than Dean but they were definitely wider. He was never one to back down from any sort of confrontation. 

“I couldn't help but notice you guys behind us everywhere we've been going. Was it that great of a view or...” He stepped closer to the two men forcing them to step backwards, almost stumbling over their own feet. He saw Castiel holding Sophia in his peripheral view and waved a hand at them to keep walking in case things got ugly.

One of the stalkers took advantage of Dean looking away, waving Castiel on, to sucker punch him on the jaw. It took a second for him to realize what had just occurred. He grimaced at the unexpected pain to his jaw. He stood up straight, adjusting the collar of his over shirt. “There's no reason for a couple of fags to be here, especially with a youngin'. Who knows what these homo's are teachin' that young girl.” 

Castiel had made Dean make a promise to him that once they had settled down in their life together, the only violence that was acceptable was towards the monsters and the demons of this world. There had to be some exceptions to the rule. He pulled back his fist and landed it into the left eye socket of the moron that couldn't keep his mouth shut. He swung again, hitting him in the nose, more than likely breaking it when he heard the crack of bone against fist. Dean forgot how good that felt. When the guy without the broken nose saw what was happening to his friend, he stumbled trying to run away. Dean gave one final kick to the guys ribs once he doubled over from the broken nose. 

“Don't you ever say those words again, you backwater hick.” Dean uncurled his fist and began to walk away pushing pass the crowd that had gathered for the anticlimactic fight, if you could call it that. 

He saw Castiel holding Sophia as she threw darts, trying to pop the colorful balloons. She handed her final dart over to Castiel. “You try, Papa. Get a unicorn for Daddy!” She pointed up to the colorful plushie with glitter in its mane and tail. Dean shoulder to shoulder with Castiel as he threw the final dart and with a loud POP the blue latex deflated and Sophia cheered, raising her hand up to grab the unicorn. 

She grabbed it and shoved it onto Dean's chest. “For you Daddy! I tried to win it but I couldn't throw the pointy things far enough so I made Papa do it.”

“You made him do it, huh?” Dean looked at the unicorn. “Well I think you made a good choice in prizes.” He kissed her forehead.

Dean leaned in to Castiel's ear “I think we need to get out of here, asap.” The look on Castiel's face turned into confusion, trying to figure out why. “I might have done something I shouldn't have...” He felt Castiel's breath against his neck as he sighed.


	9. Fighting for the Ones We Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fairs are for fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a little bit of trouble writing this one so if there's some continuity errors, my bad. Feel free to point it out.

“No.” Castiel hissed as he put Sophia down, still holding her sugar stained hand. “I will not be chased away by a mistake that you made, Dean.” His face showed no signs of being persuaded otherwise. Sophia began pulling at his trench coat. 

“Papa! Papa! Papa!” Finally breaking his eye contact with Dean, he looked down at her jumping up and down, pointing deeper into the maze of the fair. “Let's go look at the ponies!”  
“We will finish this conversation later Dean. Now is not the time. I am not going to let some hillbillies ruin one of the very few days I get with my family.” Castiel let Sophia lead the way. Dean's bravado suddenly fell and his shoulders slumped with it. He didn't even think about how much this would bother Castiel before he did it. 

“Wait...” 

The crowd suddenly felt a lot larger, the sounds a lot louder, and all the blinking, flashing lights seemed a lot brighter. His vocal chords felt like they were being strangled. He tried to follow Castiel but the dark brown hair had disappeared and he was lost in a sea of strangers. “...Cas...” Shoving his way through the endless onslaught of humans until he was finally at a clearing, where the fair split off into sections. Where the hell would god damn horses be? There was no way he was going to be lost in a fair in Wyoming of all places.

“Cas!” But there was no answer, just crowd chatter and a few head turns, none of which had dark hair and a trench coat. 

“There he is!” Dean's head snapped backwards. It was those hicks, that now had back up hicks. Despite being raised with a shotgun in his hands and a blade in his pocket, there was only so much self defense one person could manage. He considered reaching for the M1911A1 Colt in the back of his belt, but this was a fair, not a bar full of demons and people wouldn't respond well if he pulled a knife on some “innocent” rednecks. Thankfully the time he spent as a demon helped him improve his CQC, so there was one good useful thing that came from that. 

Almost in the instant he saw that group of imbeciles, his panic attack subsided and his heart beat settled, like fighting was the thing that made him feel that made him feel normal; normal and alive. “Tha's tha' fag!” yelled the man with a bandaged up nose and a bruised jaw, slowly growing darker and swelling. 

Dean had a sudden flashback to high school, this wasn't the first time he was in this situation, or even hearing those words. This was different though. This time he had promised Cas he wouldn't do this. This time he has a daughter. This time he was at a fucking fair for gods sake. 

He took a shallow breath, closed his eyes, and prepared himself to take the hits.  
No burst of pain happened, no sting of a slap, no muscles tensing, no thumping of a weapon against skin, no bile in his throat. The only thing he felt was a small sticky hand latching onto his, squeezing tightly. He heard a small whimper, almost like a puppy. He opened one eye, a bit blurry seeing a crowd gather. His brain was foggy with adrenaline, and still slightly shaking. He opened his other eye and looked down at his hand. 

Sophia.

He shook his head like he was trying to remove the fog from his brain. Before his eyes could focus he picked up Sophia and buried her face in shoulder, trying shake off his jacket to cover her face as much as possible. He hugged her tightly, feeling her shake in between small cries of “d-daddy”, He finally had the chance to look up with clear vision and see what was happening. He saw mouths gaping wide open. Some people were kneeling, some couldn't close their eyes if their life depended on it, and the rest were running. There was a dark shadow of wings, wings that he knew well, about 12 feet long in total, and there were flashes of white and blue light.

 

As blue as his eyes.

“This isn't the fight you want.” The naturally rough voice spoke. “Go and forget this day.”  
The Southern boys had more guts than Dean had given them credit for, they stood their ground like what they were seeing was absolutely normal, like Castiel was something they had seen before. They dug their heels into the dirt like there was a way that they would win this fine. Dean caught a silver glimpse through his cloudy vision.

“Cas, no! Not them, not here.” Dean was hoping Castiel could hear him and listen over his rage. The sparks of light began to fade into a softer blue, his wings, still spread, just not fully. It was like he was listening but still willing to go head on into a fight. “They're nothing that I can't handle. Save those wings for another time.” There was one more finally flash of blinding white light. A minute after, people were going about their business as if nothing had happened. Everyone except the ones that came for a fight.

Dean lifted his jacket off of Sophie and saw her eyes and cheeks wet and red from crying. “Shhh, honey. It's okay, everything is okay princess.” He slowly rubbed her back in circles, softly humming. “I think it's time we go somewhere else for your day. What do you think about that?” She nodded, her hair all tangled and messy. “I'll even fix your piggy tails for you, then we'll go to Friendly's for lunch, maybe even have ice cream first.” He gave her a soft smile.

Castiel turned around facing Dean holding Sophia tight enough that he was scared he might lose her if he loosened his grip any. His eyes lining with tears, this obviously wasn't Dean's first time and he knew that but actually seeing the pain, the reason why he fought was heart breaking. Castiel stepped closer, wanting to wrap his arms around the two of them but he was well aware of the people around them. Instead he grabbed Sophia and whispered in Dean's ear. “I'll take her to the car, you do what you need to do. Worse comes to worse, I have bail money.” They both smiled a bit. Sophia grabbed Castiel's hand, somehow still sticky, and they began to walk to the entrance.

“What? Yer not gunna kiss yer boyfriend good bye homo?” One of the hillbillies snorted, the group chuckled in unison. Dean could tell that they didn't come empty handed as he saw a few of them with their hands behind their backs. “I'm talkin' to you cocksucker!” 

Dean was waiting for one of them to throw the first punch, then all he would have to do was claim self defense. He may have been a drop out but he wasn't dumb. “No, but I was thinking about fucking him later, if you're interested, maybe we could have a threesome. I won't tell your wife you like dick.”

The lead redneck blushed so hard, his friends looked at him and raised an eyebrow in disgust. “Hell no, I ain't no faggot!” He bellowed like a gorilla trying to establish his dominance. He began to charge at Dean with a clenched fist, and puffed out chest. This was easy to dodge from a mile away. Dean side stepped the brute and he fell face first into a bale of hay. Dean rolled his eyes. The second guy was a scrawny, almost toothless, meth head looking guy. Considering this guy looked like he might be contagious so Dean didn't want to lay a single hand on him, let alone stab him and risk hepatitis infection. 

He picked up one of red clay bricks that was used to hold in even more hay for various farm animals, and aimed it straight at meth heads head. It worked like a charm as the guy collapsed before he could reach Dean's feet. The third guy was running at him before meth guy hit the ground. Dean recognized the silver glint of a blade, a rather decent size. Dean had a feeling that knife guy was going to aim for his neck. Once he was within arms length, Dean grabbed his wrist and twisted it behind him so fast and hard that he dropped the knife immediately, squealing in pain, sounding more like a wounded animal than an ignorant idiot.

After that display he saw the rest of the hillbilly posse run with their tails between their legs as their buddies lay groaning and crying while laying in animal filth, in front of a crowd that was slowly gathering to laugh. “Next time you wanna' talk shit about something you don't know, remember this moment. Remember what you're feeling at this exact moment.” Dean felt a little spiteful and kicked at the dirt in front of their faces. He knelt down to the largest man, close enough to whisper. “You may call me a fag, but at least I'm not hiding it.” He stood up, dusted himself off, and began walking back to the front of the fair. 

He saw two pink balloons bobbing up and down next to that familiar dust colored trench coat. They didn't hear him approaching as Sophia was entranced by other balloons in all different shapes and colors, and Castiel trying his hardest to fix her messy hair. “Papa, no.” she shooed his hands away from her head “Daddy does my hair for me.” 

He crept up behind Castiel, he placed his hands over his eyes, places a soft kiss on the side of his neck and whispered in his ear, “Guess who...” the tiny hairs on the back of his neck stood up and he felt a bit of a shudder.

“Hmm...” Castiel placed his hands on Dean's wrists “a handsome lumberjack perhaps?” Castiel smirked.

“Hey! I am not a lumberjack!” He protested.

“Hello Dean.” He turned around. “We should get going, her and I are starving and she takes after you, she gets grumpy when she's hungry.” He tilted his head towards Sophia. Dean crouched to be eye level with her and she was practically begging to go to Friendly's and have ice cream.


	10. Ice Cream Freeze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody loves ice cream.
> 
> Something's not right here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of world building and some character building. 
> 
> Sorry it's been so slow on the updates. Hurricane hit the states hella bad.

The giant glass filled with ice creams of all flavors was placed in the center of the table with three spoons placed by the side of the mountain of ice cream, chocolate syrup, and a frozen banana in the middle like buried treasure. Sophia's eyes lit up with excitement. Castiel frowned at the fact that they were eating ice cream for dinner instead of proper food. Dean was the first to pick up a spoon and scooped up a decent bit of syrup covered vanilla ice cream. He held it up to Sophia's face, when she opened her mouth, he turned the spoon around and took the scoop for himself.

“Hey!” she squealed in protest.

“First come first serve.” Dean retorted, with a mouthful of ice cream. Castiel picked up the third spoon and hesitantly took a bite. “What do you have against sweets anyway Cas?” Castiel scrunched up his face, slightly sticking his tongue out. “That's the type of answer Sophie would have given me.” Dean slightly nudged Castiel's shoulder.

“Even when I lost my - -” Castiel was about to say grace but he reminded himself that Sophia had no clue about what Dean and him really do when she goes to see Uncle Sammy. “like for sweets, I simply can't stand them anymore.”

“That just means more for me.” He pulled the ice cream towards him.

 

“and me daddy!” Dean playfully rolled his eyes when Sophia crossed her arms and gave a over dramatic pout. Castiel took the the bowl from Dean and put the bowl in the middle of the table and handed Sophia his spoon.

“Here.” Castiel said. “Now you have to bowl and TWO spoons and daddy doesn't stand a chance,” She shoved one of the spoons into the bowl all the way to the bottom and scooped out a spoonful as big as her head. She made a satisfied sound as her mouth and nose were covered in chocolate ice cream and syrup. Dean licked his spoon clean and placed it back into the bowl. “Don't eat that too fast or you'll get a tummy ache princess.”

Dean placed his hand on Castiel's on thigh, squeezing slightly. He could tell Castiel didn't expect it, he jumped slightly, and his eyes widened. He gave that confused yet sly look like he could hear all the thoughts in Dean's mind. Those angelic like blue eyes staring at the small bit of soul he had left. The secret moment was quickly broken when Sophia began whimpering, like she was about to cry. They snapped back into reality and they both looked looked across the table. “What's wrong Sophie?” Dean raised an eyebrow, looking at the ice cream bowl, seeing she was holding both of the spoons in her hands, over her lap.

“I...I...spilled the ice cream...all...all...over my dress!” Tears began to fall down her slowly reddening cheeks. “My...princess dress!” Her voice was steadily getting higher and the restaurant patrons began turning their heads, some of them scoffing and rolling their eyes.

“That's okay, that's why we brought another outfit, remember?” Dean said, trying to soothe her tears. “We'll get you all cleaned up and save your princess dress, I swear. C'mon, let's head to the bathroom and Papa will get your new outfit. How does that sound?” Her sniffling subsided as she wiped the tears from her cheeks as she nodded slightly, looking up at Dean as he slid out of the booth, handing the keys to Castiel to get her shorts. He held out his hands to her and she grabbed his neck as he hoisted her up into his arms, heading towards the bathroom. He backed into the bathroom door and placed Sophia on the sink. Taking a few paper towels from the dispenser, dampening them, softly dabbing at the chocolate ice cream drops off of the tulle of her dress. “See? It's coming clean already. Papa will make it look like new once we get home, I promise.” He held out his pinky. “Pinky promise.” She smiled and wrapped her pinky around his.

There was a soft knock at the door. “Cas?”

“Yes.” He cracked open the door and handed Dean the dress. “I'll wait out here, make sure no one comes in...” He was very protective of Sophia, like she was his own biological daughter but, she was the closest he would ever get to having one.

“Okay, we'll be out in a second.” He handed Castiel a 20 dollar bill from his wallet. “Go pay for the ice cream.” He handed the clean shorts and shirt to Sophia, and unzipped the back of the stained dress, and opened a stall door. “Go change.” She stepped out a minute later, running her hand over her wrinkled up jeans.

“It's all wrinkled daddy.”

“There.” He pulled at her shorts a little bit straitening them out. “As pretty as ever. You ready? I'm sure Papa is waiting for us.” He offered his hand to her. 

She put her tiny, warm hand in his and squeezed tightly. “Ready!” 

When they stepped out from the bathroom Dean held his arm up twirling Sophia like a ballerina, her blonde hair swirling around her like ribbons. She ran up to Castiel holding her arms up high, anticipating being lifted up. He picked her up in one swift movement shifting her weight to one side with one armed wrapped under her. She nuzzled her nose into Castiel's neck, closing her eyes. Being a little ball of energy and sugar, she was starting to come down from today's diet of sweets. Dean couldn't help but smiling, taking a mental picture of the moment. It felt perfect. The trio headed to the door, the bell dinging as they left. Dean felt his phone buzz.

_Please don't be Lisa. Please don't be Lisa._

He fished his phone out of his back pocket, looking down at it his sighed, tilted his head back, and held his hand over his eyes. Castiel heard the vibrating and turned to look at Dean. Dean felt Castiel's eyes stare into his soul and he couldn't bear to return eye contact. He answered the phone with a quick “Hold on.” He mouthed Go. Castiel snatched the keys from his pocket with a bit of angry force, clenching his teeth together. “Hey.” It was the only word that would pass through his lips. Once again there was a pause on the other line. It sounded like there was muffled whispering in the background. He didn't bother to question it. “Everything okay?” He felt his heart pumping again.

“I can't seem to get into the cabin. The...uh...key won't fit.” He heard the muffled noise again, this time it sounded familiar, he couldn't place who it was from, just that he recognized the voice and not in a good way. After the muffled voice, he heard what he knew was Ben, whispering with a sad tone to his voice.

Dean's eyes widened. “Is—is Ben okay?” He was trying not to sound too desperate or too scared. His mouth was dry and it felt like he had swallowed a handful of sand. He tried to force a cough to clear his throat. “Lisa?” His stomach was turning too much for his voice to falter. He held the phone in his hand to look at it to make sure they hadn't lost connection. He heard the door of the cabin creak open and the shuffling of feet going back and forth.

“Yeah, yeah. Everything is fine. I must've put the key in wrong. Ben thought we were locked out and had to go back to the motel.”

“Oh...” Dean could tell something was wrong. He could sense it. Lisa was smarter than this and Ben was too brave to be scared or sad right now. “Can I talk to Ben? I haven't talked to him in awhile.” Dean was hoping she would believe this. Unfortunately with all the time they had spent together, most times she could see right through him. There was more shuffling.

The tone in her voice was one of inconvenience rather than fear like earlier. He heard the door slam shut behind her. “I'll call you later.”

_Click_

Dean looked down at the phone. This was completely out of character for Lisa. They had known each other since high school, he knew Lisa and everything about her; he knew Lisa more than he knew Castiel and that was saying a lot. He felt his stomach churning and his heart sinking. There were far too many thoughts running through his head to process what was really happening. Before he could will himself to walk forward to the Impala, he did the only thing his brain could think of.

_Call Sam._


	11. Dean put the "D" in "BDSM"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start up of some weird stuff about Lisa & Ben. Then there's a lot of sexy time with the couple, d'uh, no one reads a Destiel FanFic without smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is mostly total smut so if you don't like that, I marked the part where smut starts (~***~) so feel free to skip all that. Sorry. I swear the next chapter will be back on track.
> 
> If you don't like some BDSM (the bondage is pretty tame) there's some consensual bondage, nothing too hardcore.

The ringing went on forever. Dean began pacing back and forth at the entrance of the restaurant. He could see Castiel and Sophia out of his peripheral view waiting in the car, Castiel's eyes looking more impatient as the minutes passed. He could hear Sophia becoming annoyed but not quite able to grasp the nuance of what was happening. All she knew was Daddy was taking forever to get to the car and Papa was getting angry.

She crawled over Castiel and into the drivers seat. She turned on the radio in a child's attempt to solve the problem of Papa being angry. Reaching for the dials, she turned on the radio. At a soft volume, Motley Crue came out of the speakers;

Take me to your heart  
Feel me in your bones  
Just one more night  
And I'm comin' off this  
Long and winding road  
I'm on my way  
I'm on my way  
Home sweet home

“Papa it's the song Daddy sings to you!” She pulled at the sleeve of his shirt to snap him away from the window, glaring at Dean.  
“Huh?” Castiel looked down at her, realizing Sophia was talking. He shook his head, trying to shake his brain back to paying attention to her.

“The song!” She pointed to the radio. “It's what Daddy sings.” By the time his attention hit, the song was almost over.  
My heart's like an open book

For the whole world to read  
Sometimes nothing keeps me together  
At the seams  
I'm on my way  
I'm on my way  
Home sweet home  
Tonight tonight

A smile came across his face. He had very few good memories on Earth but the good ones he did have always had Dean in them. “Yeah, it sure is. Daddy should have taught you better, you can't listen to Motley Crue unless it's as loud as possible.” He turned the dial as far as it would go. Now the car began vibrating from the pedals to the roof, even Sophia's curls were bouncing in rhythm to the radio.   
Dean recognized the song in one verse. He made eye contact with Castiel and for a moment forgot what he was dealing with. 

“Dean...? Are you there?”

“Yeah, yeah Sammy. I'm here, just tired.”

“If you want to bring Sophie over early you can. You know she's my favorite niece.”

“Sam, she's your only niece.”

“Exactly. Go talk to Cas.”

Sam was as bad as Castiel when it came to knowing what was on Dean's mind. He put the phone back into his pocket and headed towards the car. Breaking this to Castiel wasn't going to be easy. He didn't even know what he was going to say or how he was going to explain it. Giving himself a slight pep talk, he slid into the car and for the first time, turned the radio down. At this moment, Castiel knew something was wrong, not sure what but it was definitely something. This was beyond out of character, this was out of essence. “Let's...uh...head home.” He gave Castiel a look that conveyed frustration and sadness; apologizing for a problem he had yet to explain. 

Sophia climbed in between them, looking at Dean and then to Castiel and back again. Her face looked like she realized something was wrong but couldn't figure out what it was. Her eyes went from sugar high wideness to a red lined sadness on the verge of tears. “Did I do something wrong Daddy?” Her voice was starting to break.

Dean broke his look from Castiel and focused on Sophia. “No, no. What makes you think that?”

“Every time you give Papa that look, you say good bye and leave us.”

Dean's heart sank down into the pit of his stomach. He tasted the sourness of bile in the back of his throat. His eyes began to match hers, he looked back up to Castiel to silently plead for help to defuse the situation. Emotional confrontation was not his strong suit. If you need something shot or sliced, he was your man but this, was something that John had never prepared him for. He had come to lean on Sam and Castiel for all of the situations that required emotions and finesse. She was right, this was the look and she was starting to recognized that already. Dean gave an internal sigh. He hooked under her chin, lifting her head up for her eyes to meet his.

“I'm here right now with you and that's all that matters. You know I love you very much and you mean the world to me, no matter where I am. You and Papa are everything even if there's states between us.” 

She sniffled and wiped the snot from her nose. Castiel opened the glove compartment and fished out a small handful of napkins. He pulled her towards him and cleaned the tears off of her face. “Let's head home. It's getting late. Sun's almost gone.”

By the time Dean was pulling into the driveway, Sophia was fast asleep laying in Castiel's lap. He handed the keys to Castiel before picking her up and attempting to close the car door quietly. She shifted a bit in Dean's arms as he walked her into her room, laying her on her bed, and kissing her forehead. “Good night, princess.” He whispered before exiting the room.

“So what happened this time?” Castiel's tone was flat, almost robotic.

Dean saw no reason to lie or dance around the question. “Something's wrong with Lisa. Ben sounded...scared.” He choked on the last word like it was molasses in his throat. “Ben's never scared.”

This was an answer Castiel wasn't expecting. Of all the excuses he had heard from Dean over the years, this was different. He slid off his trench coat, hanging it on a hook. Unbuttoning his shirt, he looked eye to eye with Dean trying to decipher what was going on in his head. “So what are you going to do about it?”

“I-I don't know...” Dean didn't expect Castiel to ask that; he expected some sort of resistance. “I thought about calling before we head up there, hoping to hear something that doesn't sound...like Lisa.” His jeans pooled around his ankles as he stepped out of them to change.

“Hmm...sounds like a good idea Dean.”

Despite all of the internal conflict, whenever Castiel said his name it felt sincere and meaningful even if it was just his name. He sat on the bed, his back facing Castiel, the glow of his cell phone lighting up his face. Castiel crawled over the bed and placed his head on Dean's shoulder, lightly rubbing his back. A small 'hmm' escaped. “You're making it hard to think.” Dean's brain was starting to feel fuzzy, leaning his head back, shifting in his boxers. 

Setting aside his thoughts of Castiel wearing nothing, he finally pressed CALL. Like before, it felt like the ringing went on forever but this time he was feeling selfish that this wasn't the first thing he was thinking of. Through the haze of arousal Dean tried to remind himself of the task at hand but all his brain was processing was to throw the phone aside and make Castiel beg with lust. 

Snapping him out of his dirty thoughts, the voicemail prompt picked up with an automated “You have reached the number of 'LISA'. This user is currently unavailable, please leave a message.” 

This wasn't like Lisa. Lisa's phone never left her sight. Dean cleared his throat. “Uhh...hey Lees, uhm, it's Dean...I guess, call me. I'm heading out early.”

END call.

He turned the volume of his ringtone up so it would wake him up in case Lisa called him back, but he was having the feeling that she wouldn't, at least tonight if she did. He felt regret for not buying Ben his own cell phone for his birthday one year when he was still with Lisa. Ben would have been honest about what was going on, if anything at all.

“Maybe I'm just being over protective.” Dean was somewhere between glad he was off the phone and worried that this wasn't normal. He put the phone on the nightstand and sighed. “Is it bad of me to want to wait until morning?” Castiel lightly kissed the nape of Dean's neck, making the tiny hairs stand on end. The kisses were so light it was almost like Castiel's lips weren't even there, just feeling the warmth from his breath, making his body shudder.

“I don't think so.” He finally pressed his lips onto Dean's skin. “They're in a safe house that's...safe from everything. Wouldn't you be scared if suddenly everything changed and you had to move to a strange house away from your friends?”

“This is one of the times where I hope you're right, Cas.” Dean nodded. “Yeah...” He gave a soft humming noise. “Cas, you're distracting me from, ahh, I gotta'...mmm...you know I can't think when you do this.”

~**~  
“Do you really want me to stop?” Castiel's voice got lower and his face flushed warm and pink on his cheeks. Dean lifted his arms up and ran his fingers through Castiel's short, soft, brown hair. “I could stop if you want, Dean...” Dean closed his eyes, appreciating the words, touch, and the way Castiel said his name.

Castiel kissed Dean's neck softly and placed his hands on his shoulders. Dean's head tilted to the side, showing more skin to be kissed. “N-...no, not really...” Dean felt himself growing harder with each contact of skin. He gave a low, unsatisfied growl. His brain was feeling warm and fuzzy, like being high, like having your first kiss.

Castiel could feel Dean's pulse under his lips, getting faster the more frequently he kissed the naked skin. Castiel's hands snaked their way down Dean's shoulders all the way down to his waist, running just his thumbs across the lining of his boxers. Dean tilted his head back and scooting further back onto the bed letting Castiel's mouth lead him, pulling at his shoulder with his teeth. Dean pulled Castiel on top of him, nipping at his neck, down to his shoulder where he bit and sucked just enough to leave a small mark. Dean's hands traveled from Castiel's shoulders to his sides, feeling his muscles twitch as his fingers found their way in the hem of his pants.

“You know Cas, it's really unfair...” Castiel lifted his head up to meet Dean's eyes. “Here I am, almost naked and pretty hard, and you still get to wear pants.” He pulled at the belt, unbuckling it as he put a knee between Castiel's legs, spreading them apart. Castiel's pupils widened with a small gasp. Dean's lips curled upward into a mischievous smile. “Hmm...I like that you still do that Cas.” He lifted his head off of the pillow to meet Castiel's neck again.

“Do - - what...?” His head tilted towards Dean's lips and pushed his hips into Dean's hands to help him with his belt. Dean heard the very soft sound of Castiel's wings starting to spread out.

“You still gasp for me, like it's your first time with me over and over again. You can't hide those wings from me.” He released Castiel's flesh from his lips long enough to answer the question Castiel could barely utter. Dean finally undid the belt and slid Castiel's pants off in one swift motion. Castiel buried his face into the pillow under Dean to muffle a sexually frustrated sound somewhere between a growl and a moan. Running his hand from his lower back to the back of his neck, Dean pulled Castiel's hair with a small bit of force to see his lips parted and panting. Dean let go of the tuft of hair and grabbed at Castiel's shoulders to push him onto his back, enjoying the sight that was now below him. Castiel's wings began to show, slowly spreading into their full length as everything got hotter and heavier.

Their sex was never violent, just a little rough from time to time. Spending some time in actual Hell tends to bleed into your life back on Earth. Dean was pretty sure Castiel was the only person that could ever truly understand what this felt like on an emotional level and on a sexual level at times. 

They exchanged soft bites and nips at each others skin, careful to not leave visible marks on each other for the public's sake really. Dean licked his lips and kissed Castiel with a rough passion so fierce that his lips turned a light shade of red. Dean grabbed Castiel's wrists and held them above his head, running his free hand down from his stomach to his waist, feeling Castiel completely hard now willing to mold into whatever Dean wanted at that moment. Dean released him from his boxers, moving his hand over Castiel's head, slowly sliding down the shaft and slowly repeating the motion. He couldn't help but watch Castiel twitch and squirm beneath him; Dean liked being able to control how Castiel felt. Before their relationship Dean had no idea angels could have these feelings and know how to move and where to touch. He looked back up, meeting those irreplaceable, brightly lit, rings of blue being slowly swallowed by the blackness of the arousal filled pupils. When Dean let go of his hand that was firmly wrapped around Castiel as he whimpered, already missing the soft stroking motion Dean was giving him. Dean planted small kisses on Castiel's neck as he reached for the nightstand. Fumbling through the papers, pens, and other objects that were randomly thrown in, he finally felt what he was looking for. 

Lube was man's best creation. 

There was a small pop sound and again. He tried to free himself from Dean's grip, slowly starting to slip from the sweat of Dean's palms. Dean lifted an eyebrow, giving a smirk to Castiel. “Are you trying to escape me Blue?” Dean's voice was deeper but softer enough to be a whisper. “You shouldn't have done that...” He bit Castiel's shoulder with a little more force this time then moved his mouth up to Castiel's ear, slightly sucking on the lobe. He felt Castiel squirm again under him again shut his eyes, nodding rapidly, wanting to follow Dean's every command. In the complete darkness along with having his eyes closed he felt the bed shift and the warmth of Dean's body pull away from him and started to open his eyes. Before he could focus on what was going on around him, Dean placed a free hand over his eyes and murmured a simple “Not yet, not until I say so,” Castiel's wings began to flutter when Dean commanded him even though he could overwhelm Dean at any moment.

Castiel heard a faint sound of metal on metal. His heartbeat sped up, excited and slightly scared, then even more aroused. His wings finally spread out to their full length “Dean...fuck me, please.” After that request Dean responded by grinding his hips harder so Castiel could feel that he was just as hard and wanted him just as much. The metal sound stopped and he felt Dean on top of him again but this time he was sitting up, releasing Castiel's hands. As soon as he was released his hands went for Dean's boxers, letting his cock spring free, a light bit of spit was pooling in his mouth. All he could think about was sucking it, tasting him, feeling Dean spasm as he came. No such thing was happening yet. He looked up at Dean's face, then at his hands. He had managed to grab Castiel's belt that he was wearing earlier, grabbing his hands again, commanded him to close his eyes again. There was no protest. He lifted his arms up over his head and felt the leather wrap around his wrists, tight enough to restrain him but still giving him a small bit of wiggle room. His lips parted and moaned as Dean looped the rest of the belt around the headboard. He felt Dean's hands dance over his chest and finally down to his hips, lightly flicking his tongue on the head. Castiel tried to reach down to run his fingers through Deans hair only to remember he was restrained. While still having his lips around Castiel, he moved his hands down and pulled his legs up so that the bottom of his feet were on the bed. Castiel felt the slickness of the lubrication being spread between his cheeks. His back arched off of the bed, anticipating what was next. Dean looked up at Castiel even though it was completely dark, he knew the looks that matched the sounds. He felt the vibrations of Castiel moaning again.

“You keep doing that and I'm going to find the ball gag Cassie. Do you want that?” Dean's lips released Castiel from his mouth and began kissing upwards from his hips to his neck. “Because honestly, I really like it...” he whispered knowing Castiel's eyes were squeezed shut with a small bit of saliva drip out of the corner of this mouth. He moaned again, this time a little louder. Dean took that as a 'yes' and reached under the bed. There was a medium sized bag that Dean unzipped, fishing in the darkness for the feeling of leather and steel. “Open up baby.” Dean gently placed the ball in Castiel's mouth, lifting up his head to fasten it in the back. “Now I get to do whatever I want to you.” Castiel felt Dean's teeth against his neck, very close to an important vein.

Castiel was allowed to moan as loud as he wanted to. Dean turned him over onto his stomach. “One slap on the bed is 'faster', two is 'stop' okay?” Dean loosened the belt just a little, enough for Castiel to hold himself up and use his hands if he needed to. Dean used more lube, just in case, rubbing it between Castiel's cheeks and a little more on his own cock to make sure the only pain Castiel was the good kind, he may have liked it rough but there was no way he was going to hurt Castiel with unwanted force. Dean smacked Castiel's ass with a sharp sting, leaving a pink hue. Dean slowly moved the tip of his cock around the hole and in between the firm cheeks. “Ready?” Whimpers and moans speak louder than words when sex is involved.

Castiel pushed himself back towards Dean which wasn't what he expected. Dean pushed further inside and rubbed his hands up and down his back with his finger tips and Castiel began to rock back and forth against Dean. As he was rocking on Dean he held onto the headboard for some leverage as Dean moved his hand around pumping Castiel up and down, using the pre cum as it's own natural lubrication. A grunt came through the gag ball followed by a poor attempt at moaning Dean's name “- eeeaan, arder!” Dean pumped Castiel in rhythm with his hips, feeling the bed rock and the creaking sound of the mattress. He felt Castiel's dick starting to build up. He was about to cum.

Dean enjoyed this, but he enjoyed teasing much more. He stopped pumping but continued to move his hips, reaching up and grabbing Castiel's shoulders forcing him backwards, deeper than before. Dean's eyes rolled back and his legs began to feel like jelly. “Show me how bad you want to cum for me.” Dean's voice was low and panting. He kept one hand on Castiel's shoulder and moved the other to tease Castiel's cock, again hearing him moan and rock harder back and forth as Dean pumped faster and with a tighter grip.

Dean finally felt the warm jizz pool into his hand and moved his hands around Castiel's hips, digging his fingers in deeper with one finally thrust he came and pulled out, letting go of Castiel's hips and letting him fall forward onto the bed, Dean falling next to him untying the gag and the belt, Trying to find a towel in reach, he was too weak from pleasure to want to move. “Mmm...was that as good for you as it was for me?” Dean turned his head to Castiel, running a clean towel over his hand and Castiel's stomach.

“Better.” Castiel said softly, not ready to speak normally.

“You're becoming a bad influence on me Cas. I thought angels were supposed to help, not hinder.” Dean joked.

“I'm pretty sure I...as you would say...satisfied all of your man needs.”  
~***~


	12. Flashing red sign

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The couple begins making their way to Missouri to see Lisa, something's still off though.

The light from the rising sun filtered through the blinds and Dean groaned, not being a morning person and then regretting not completely drying off after the 2 AM shower he shared Castiel. His pillow was slightly damp and his hair was fluffed out, going in a million different directions. Dean rolled over and saw the empty spot next to him. Mumbling to himself, he pushed back the covers and stumbled to the dresser, grabbing a random shirt. Flattening out his hair, he walked into Sophia's room, watching her pack clothes into her tiny suitcase. Dean rubbed the sleep from his eyes focusing in on her.

“You'll only be gone for a weekend Sophie, you don't need to pack your entire wardrobe to go to uncle Sam's.” She continued shoving clothes into the already stuff suit case, pushing down on them to make the suit case close.

“I never know when you're coming back...and now Papa is leaving too...” 

Suddenly he didn't need coffee this morning for a pick-me-up. This felt like being punched in the stomach and being shot in the heart at the same time. He couldn't tell her she was wrong because she wasn't. There were far too many times when he said he would be back the next day, then ended up being gone for the entire weekend. She was old enough to understand that this wasn't normal but still young enough to not understand why Daddy wasn't home all the time. Dean stopped her, sat on her bed, and picked her up, setting her on his lap, brushing her long blonde hair with his fingers. He lowered his head to look her in her eyes and tried to muster the only answer he could currently give a 3-year-old little girl. Her eyes started getting red and she buried her face into Dean's shoulder, her small hands gripping at the back of his shirt. He kissed the top of her head trying to hide the tears that were falling down his cheeks. He sniffled once and looked up when he heard Castiel enter the room as quietly as possible. Castiel walked up to her kneeling in between Dean's legs, turning her head to look at him. Her green eyes wouldn't meet his, shifting to the side, away from both of them.

“Sophia, you know Daddy and I will be back as soon as we can and I'll make him call you every night, maybe you can talk aunt Ruby into letting you use her phone and when can Face Time so it's not like we even left.” Dean nodded and hugged Sophia tighter.

Dean held out his pinky finger. “Papa's right princess, we're always going to come back to you no matter what. Pinky promise.” She looked at Dean and stuck her pinky out, wrapped it around his and nodded. 

“Remember Daddy, you can't break a pinky promise, no matter what!” The three of them smiled and Castiel picked her up off of Dean's lap, she wrapped her arms and legs around him like a baby monkey.

“Let's go make breakfast. Daddy still has to get ready for the trip and we both know how grumpy he is in the morning. What would you like for breakfast? I know aunt Ruby isn't very good in the kitchen.” Castiel wrinkled his nose to exaggerate his dislike for whatever Ruby decides to cook up.

“Tell uncle Sam I can have Pizza all weekend! Pleeeeease! You said it yourself that aunt Ruby can't cook!” She put her hands on her hips.

“You'll have to ask Daddy about that one, he's the only one who can talk to uncle Sam into pretty much anything.”

Dean walked down the stairs with an army duffle bag over his shoulder heading into the kitchen. “I heard something about pizza.” The bag slid off of his shoulder next to the door to the garage. He grabbed his cell phone out of his back pocket and looked at the time. “We gotta' get goin' soon. I'm sure...uhh...Sammy is waiting to see Sophie.” He gave Castiel a look that said 'we need to go' but at the same time, he didn't want to go, neither one of them did.

Sam could hear Dean's car rumbling the moment he pulled into the driveway. The car doors creaked open. As Sam got closer to the front door he could hear Sophia giggling as she walked her way up to the entrance. The moment Sam opened the door he felt those tiny arms wrap around his thighs, unable to reach his waist. He lifted her up, holding her in one arm and grabbing the suitcase from Dean with the other. “How's the most beautiful girl in the world doing today?”

“Daddy said I could have pizza!”

“Hey, whoa whoa, I never said that Sophie. Papa did. Maybe for the weekend you can. We'll be back before you can finish one, I promise.” Dean kissed her on her forehead, grabbing her tiny little hand. He held out his pinky again. “I'll call you as soon as Papa and I get to where we're going Sophie.” She wrapped her pinky around his.

“Remember, you can't break the pinky, Daddy.” Dean nodded, noticing he was starting to tear up, he looked at Sam with a look that meant he felt horrible for this but felt like there was no other option. 

 

Sam let her down so she could run up to the house and he knew she was going straight for playing video games on the 'big T.V.' as she put it.

Sam wrapped his arms around Dean. “It'll be okay Dean. If no one else, Cas and I will always be here.” Dean squeezed back harder than he had ever hugged his brother before. “Together to the hell'ish end.”

Castiel grabbed Dean's hand, tugging slightly. “We might want to get going if we're planning on making it back in time.” There was a sigh between the brothers. Dean look the keys out of his pocket and handed them to Castiel. “Go start her, I'll be there in a second.” Castiel knew something was off about the whole situation but he decided it was best to give the brothers time together without a third wheel. He tried to get Dean's attention but failed and took the keys, taking his time walking back to the car.

“Sammy, something's really off about this whole thing, on top of bringing Cas along with me and fessing up to Lees...I need someone to tell me I'm doing the right thing this time around because it doesn't feel like it.”

“It might feel bad at first but no matter what happens, what she says if anything, the important people are here for you.” Sam was doing his best to console Dean but it's hard to comfort someone who has so much self loathing. 

“Thanks Sammy.” He gave one final hug before heading to the car. “Take care of my girl, I know where you live.”

Sliding back into the car, Dean looked at Castiel, finally starting to tear up; not ready to cry yet but couldn't stop his eyes from welling up. Castiel grabbed his hand, kissing the palm of it. “We'll get through this, we've been through Hell together Dean. Whatever Lisa is dealing with is nothing compared to Lucifer.” 

“Then you've never seen the full wrath of Lisa.” Dean joked, trying to force a laugh but all he could manage was a half cocked smile. “We've got almost a 15 hour drive ahead of us, let's get going.” Dean sighed, nodded in an unspoken agreement. With Castiel by his side, it wouldn't be an easy ride, but it would be something he could get through. 

A drive like this felt like it was just as easy as a drive around the block but the roads were starting to blur together. 

_At least it wasn't as bland as driving through Texas_

Dean's eyes began to feel heavy. Castiel had already had to nudge him twice, but not daring to ask Dean if he wanted him to drive. Instead he offered, “Why don't we pull over for a few hours? You get a quick nap, I get to stretch my wings. It's a win-win Dean.” 

Dean glared at him for even making the suggestion but gave in and listened. “Next joint we come across.” He felt Castiel' eyes glaring into his soul. “I promise, Jesus Cas.”

Six miles later there was a glowing red sign, advertising vacancies. Castiel heard Dean grumble something under his breath, probably something about not wanting to pull over but at the same time, knowing Castiel was right. Pulling into the practically empty parking lot, Dean looked at Castiel, finally acknowledging his stare. “What? I did what you asked.” Dean threw his hands up in frustration.

“I know there's something you aren't telling me, Dean.” Castiel said, hanging his head. “I've sensed this whole car ride but...since our...intimate relationship began, I respected your wishes and never read your thoughts.” Castiel's voice was getting softer, sounding like he was about to cry. The flashing red sign creating a strange shadow around his frame, accentuating his eyes in contrast. The serene blue against the neon red. Castiel's shoulders slumped. Dean leaned forward, running a thumb over his cheek.

“Let's get a room and I'll pour my soul out to you, Taylor Swift style if you want.” Castiel tilted his head in confusion. Dean placed his hand on Castiel's shoulder. “Don't worry, let's just get a room, I'm exhausted.”

“One room, please.” Dean asked the hostess, signing his name. He looked over his shoulder to see Castiel holding both bags.

“Is that, uh, two beds or...” The hostess peered over Dean's shoulder looking at Castiel then back at Dean.

“One...” Dean looked at the woman's name tag. “Jenna.” She blushed when he answered. She was a cute girl, young, blonde, blue eyes. Dean felt a bit of pain, she looked just like Jess. 

For Dean, it was easy to be honest to strangers. He'd never see this woman ever again, and right now all he wanted was a nap. The hostess turned around and grabbed a key. He was never going to see Jenna again so why should he care whatever Jenna thought.

“Room 85, sir...sirs.” Dean saw a slight blush on her face. He would rather see those looks than the ones that are filled with disdain and disapproval, from strangers no less. Dean flashed her his award winning smile and a quick wink.

“Thanks, Jess...I mean...Jenna.”

Dean pocketed the key and picked up one of the bags. He saw Castiel's look of pity in the corner of his eye. “Don't give me that look. I'm tired.” They walked out of the managers office and headed to their room. “Home sweet hotel.” Opening the door, he let his bag flop down to the floor. Sitting on the bed he rubbed his hands over his face, exhausted. Dean dug his phone out of one of his jacket pockets, staring at it for a moment, contemplating if what he was thinking was the right decision. Castiel softly sat down next to him, placing a hand on Dean's leg in a silence reassurance. Flipping through the contacts, he tapped on **LISA** , but for a change put it on speaker phone; he wasn't really sure why, it just made him feel better.

“Dean?” On the first ring, like there was no hesitation like last time. “Where are you? I thought you'd be here by now...” It wasn't fear in her voice but it was something that certainly wasn't her. 

“I - - we had to stop for the night, I'm exhausted and not willing to crash the Impala. We'll be there first thing in the morning. How are things going with Ben?”

“Ben. Right. Ben's good.”

“Good? That's it?” This wasn't right, something wasn't right.

“Yeah, yeah. He's good.” There was a muffled noise in the background. A man's voice. Dean didn't quite recognize it, but it wasn't a strangers voice either. Dean swore he could hear Ben's voice say something in the background, softly. Ben was smart, if he wanted to be quiet, Dean wouldn't be hearing him.

“Lemme talk to him.” His heart was pounding. Castiel could hear it. He swore to Dean he would never read his thoughts without his permission, but listening to his heart wasn't the same as listening to his thoughts, but sometimes it did feel more personal. His hand moved to Dean's, squeezing it gently to give some reassurance that this was the right thing, no matter how uncomfortable it felt.

There was some shuffling in the background and some more mumbling. Dean heard the phone hit the floor and then someone scramble to pick it up. “H-hey Dean.” Dean's heart rate reached a normal speed now.

“Hey buddy. How are ya'? Is your mom okay?” 

“I'm okay, we're safe Dean. Uhm...take your time.” This is the total opposite of how Lisa sounded and what Lisa was saying. Dean's mind blanked.

“We'll be there soon Ben. I, uhm, I love you.”

“I love you too Dean.”


	13. Destination ahead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you thought getting to the safe house was hard, finally getting there was no easier. Lisa is still acting kinda' strange.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a bit of dialogue here. I'd like some feedback on this chapter, I had some trouble getting through this one. Hope it's okay.

The phone clicked and the line went dead. Once again, this wasn't like Lisa or Ben. Usually Lisa would say something. 

“Dean, I don't need to read your thoughts to know that something isn't right. Listening to someone comes with loving them. Can't have one without the other. Plus you promised me Taylor Swift style.” Dean rolled his eyes. Sometimes he really hated it when Castiel remembered stuff like that. It was so unfair. His head felt too heavy to lift and his eyes couldn't meet Castiel's. There was a mumble as he continued looking at the floor, starting to wonder what that brown stain was from. “Don't make me zap a guitar into existence just for you to keep a promise.” Of his time on Earth, Castiel learned that sometimes using humor helps an uncomfortable situation. He slipped his hand into Dean's giving a silent reassurance; that whatever he was feeling, together they could make it okay.

“Cas, I can't.” Dean's voice broke a little bit in such a small sentence. Not talking about his emotions was one thing, Castiel knew that for sure but this was more than a no chick flick moments rule. Dean felt his head go farther down, his chin almost touching the collar of his shirt. He pulled it up slightly, covering his nose and mouth like there was a foul stench in the air. This was a move he had learned long ago from John. 

_Find a way to hide your emotions or you'll just become weak and vulnerable._

Dean tried to hide it but he couldn't stop his eyes from wincing to hold back the tears that were slowly building up in his heart. Everything in his body hurt, mentally and physically. He was exhausted. This life was not meant for the faint of heart. “Just...” He grabbed his shirt tighter. “Make it easier and just mind read me.” With every word his voice became softer and softer like he was being injured with every word he spoke. He finally lifted his head up but kept his eyes closed. Eye contact just felt shameful right now. He picked up Castiel's hand out of his and placed it on the center of his forehead. “Hurry up before I change my mind.” He heard a sigh from Castiel but it wasn't one of inconvenience or annoyance, it was uncertainty; like he didn't want to do this, he didn't want to know this way. Once they became a couple, it was a promise he swore to never break, even with Dean's consent this felt wrong and unnatural. 

“Are you sure about this?” 

“Do it.” Dean's tone was becoming louder, like he was preparing for a punch that wasn't coming. He gained the courage to open his eyes and look at the rings of blue surrounding him. He inhaled. “C'mon Cas, I'm begging you.” Instead of the loud, angry, frustrated tone he had a second ago, this was soft and pleading. Castiel's neutral expression turned solemn and uncertain.

He placed his head in the crook of Dean's neck, his lips on Dean's pulse. He closed his eyes and saw everything. The thoughts were covered in red, like he was looking through red colored glasses. He saw flashes of Lisa's face, Ben's scared face, the cabin. He heard the phone call, saw Dean's heart go from a steady beat to a pulsing angry one. There was a voice he couldn't identify but he could definitely tell that Dean heard the same voice and didn't like it at all. His thoughts became a darker red when the voice appeared in his head. Castiel removed his hand and kissed Dean's neck.

“You and I can get through whatever this is. You know me, always happy to bleed for the ones I love.”

“How can you still say that when you just saw everything that's going on?” Dean finally lifted his head up all the way. “I know that voice, it's in the back of my head, on the tip of my tongue but I can't place it for the life of me...or Ben's.” He noticed he had a death grip on his phone from being so pent up. Dean put it down on the shabby night stand. Kicking off his boots and lazily rummaging through his bag for pajamas, he was too tired to do the whole shower thing. All he wanted to do was sleep. Pulling the covers back, he rolled his eyes. “Typical. This is why you don't sleep naked in motels.” The mattress springs gave in a little when Dean finally fell into the bed. Forcing himself to close his eye to imitate sleep, tossing and turning; all he could focus on was the springs squeaking as he moved. He huffed, finally opening his eyes, realizing Castiel was watching him. “You don't have to do that Cas. It's creepy.” Castiel sat down next to him, the mattress creaking again. There was a familiar expression on his face. “Don't you dare do--” He drifted off to sleep, Castiel sat Indian style on the bed, brushing Dean's hair aside.

“I'll see you in a few hours Dean.” 

Dean scowled as he opened his eyes. “I asked you not to do that Cas...” Dean's voice cracked a little as he rubbed the sleep away.

“If I didn't you would have stared at the ceiling all night.”

Castiel was right, no part of his brain was allowing him to be calm and rational, let alone tired and willing to sleep. Dean hated admitting he was wrong, he hated it even more when it was from Castiel. He threw the covers back and mumbled something about getting coffee.   
Coming out of the bathroom, rubbing the towel through his hair, he picked up his jeans. “We need to get going.” He was bouncing around the room, gathering everything and stuffing his clothes into his bag. He paused for a second to notice Castiel standing in the middle of the room simply watching. “What?” 

Castiel didn't want to tell Dean the truth. He didn't want to admit to Dean that, upon thinking about the things he saw, that he could finally place the name. “Nothing.”

“Cas, I can tell when you're lying. You're not very good at it.” Dean was head on with Castiel, looking him eye to eye. “Tell me.”

“Please Dean, don't make me do this. I think it will hurt us both and we should concentrate on saving Ben and Lisa.” Castiel didn't want to mention that they might not be able to save Ben or Lisa, or it might come down to saving one or the other. “I ask you this one thing.” He hung his head and in habit clasped his hands together in a prayer position. 

Dean observed Castiel's body language; the tone in his voice changed, like he was on his hands and knees begging. He saw the sorrow in Castiel's eyes and he could tell that it was something bad, something is wrong. “Okay Cas, let's get going. We have a ways ahead of us, and only one of us can teleport.”

“You know I can't do that anymore, my powers are, very limited now.”

“Cas, baby, I love you but jokes really do go over your head still.” Dean kissed his forehead as he picked up their bags and nodded to the door. “My hands are full, be a gentleman and open the door.”

After packing up the car and starting it up Dean patted his pockets for his cellphone. Scrolling through the contacts **[SAMMY]**.   
“Hey Sammy, how's Sophia doing? Everything okay?   
>Yeah, everything is okay here.   
>It's about as normal as normal gets for us.   
>we're about to leave the hotel now so hopefully we'll be there soon.   
>Hell no I'm not letting him drive, are you crazy?!   
>I'll let you know when we're close and when we leave. You remember which safe house we're heading to, just in case?  
>Okay, later Sammy.  
 **[END CALL]**

Dean felt something when he said ' _just in case_ like he finally had something to live for. Castiel and Sophia were the center of his life now and some days that scared the hell out of him.

“You know I could hear you right?” Castiel turned to him as he put the phone in his jacket. 

“That's exactly why I said it.” He gave Castiel a sly wink. He grabbed for Castiel's hand, kissing it softly. “Let's get going. We have a damsel to save.”

Castiel attempted a smile, trying to keep Dean in fighting spirits rather than feeling that revenge was the only option. He wasn't ready to tell him all that he had figured out while Dean was sleeping. Castiel knew who's voice it was, and had a rough idea of what they were about to walk into. 

Castiel felt the tires rolling over gravel and dirt. He opened his eyes, seeing the cabin come in to view. Of all the things that he lost when he gave away about half of his grace; it was hard to put a quantity on how much he lost but he now had to sleep and that was something he had to adjust to. Now he finally understood why Dean was so angry whenever Castiel woke him up from sleep. “Can we not pull up yet? I'd like to stretch my wings...in privacy.”

Dean put the car in reverse a few feel and parked. He remained in the drivers seat, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel in nervousness that he wasn't willing to admit to. Turning his head to look at Castiel as he shed his trench coat, placing it on the passenger seat, unbuttoning his shirt, and finally seeing the 12 foot wing span. That was one of the few things in this life that he enjoyed seeing these days. Monsters were wearing him thin, it was nice to see the true strength of a “warrior of the Lord” as Castiel once put it. Castiel shook like a wet dog, a few loose feathers falling at his feet, almost preening like a bird. They flapped a bit and he tilted his head back in comfort. He folded them back in and put his shirt back on.

“Better?” Dean pulled the trench coat between them, giving him room to sit back down.

“Much better. It's like stretching your legs after driving for 15 hours.” 

“I know, I know. I'm horrible.” Dean pulled into the driveway of the safe house, getting out of the car and heading to the door.

“Dean.” The tone of Castiel's voice made him stop and turn around, giving Castiel a one eyebrow raised look. “I think you should bring a few things...” Castiel put his hand on the trunk. “...just in case. We're not entirely sure what we're walking into.

Castiel was trying to hint that it wasn't just Ben and Lisa in there without actually saying who might be accompanying them. He walked towards the trunk, not saying anything. Opening it, he grabbed the salt-rock shotgun and the Demon Blade, already having his Colt on him. “Do you think that's enough?” He held up the shotgun to Castiel. 

“Some regular salt might be a good idea.” Castiel pointed out. Dean realized there was no smile on Castiel's face. His shoulders were slumped and his expression was somewhat defeated before there was even a battle.

“Okay...” Dean picked up a carton of salt that was always kept in the trunk. “I have a feeling we're walking into something you're not telling me about Cas. I don't really like that. I won't ask you again, but if there's anything you can tell me, that would be great.”

“I...” Castiel looked at Dean, locking eyes with a serious expression. “I know it's not just Lisa and Ben in there...and having that Demon Blade might really help.” He left it very open ended to keep Dean in check.

“Okay.” Dean left it at that, not pushing it even more. This through Castiel for a bit of a lope. He was used to Dean questioning him until he got every bit of information he needed. He grabbed a small backpack size canvas bag and put everything, except for the shotgun in there. 

“Let's go save our damsel, my knight with wings.”

Dean knocked on the door. Castiel noticed that when Dean said 'cabin' it really was a cabin. It looked like something that was built by hand. “Bobby built it forever ago.”

“Since when could you read my mind?”

“I can read more than your mind Cas.” He turned and winked. That was the last happy expression he had on his face. 

No one was answering the door. He called out for Lisa to open the door. Still nothing. Dean began looking through the windows, panic growing. He saw shadows moving around but there was only one light on so it was hard to see. He called for Lisa again. 

The door knob turned and there stood Lisa. Whoever was in front of them, looked like Lisa, sounded like Lisa, moved like Lisa, but somehow wasn't Lisa; at least not the Lisa he knew.

“We got here as soon as we could. Where's Ben? Are you guys okay?” Dean was spewing out questions quicker than they could be answered. Lisa stepped back, motioning for them to come in.

“Didn't expect you to bring...him.” She eyed Castiel, not in anger but it certainly wasn't happy. Dean stepped in placing the small bag on the floor. “What's in the bag?” Another question that caught Dean's ear. He wondered why Lisa cared so much.

“Just toiletries, stuff like that. Haven't really had much time to get a decent shave and all that.” Dean didn't want to tell Lisa what was really in there in case something was up and with the way Castiel was acting, he had a feeling he was. Lisa was peering over his shoulder like a nosy mother. In his peripheral view, he noticed Castiel still at the door, nudging over the carpet, his eyes widening, and quickly covering it back up. Dean knew how to take a hint.

“So is it just you and Ben here? You haven't really told me much.”


	14. Sealed with a kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We find out a tiny bit of what the hell is going on with Lisa. It's not very good, depending on how you look at it. You know what they say, never make a deal with the devil. Dean's not learning any lessons at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I strayed a little from cannon and whatnot for memory purposes and things I considered fitted a little bit better for this particular story. Hope you like it. 
> 
> I like reading comments. < 3

“He's in one of the bedrooms.” Lisa crossed her arms across her stomach. Lisa was strong and brave, this arm crossing, unsure voice was not Lisa. 

“Cas, stay with Lisa.”

Dean headed to the back of the house where the two bedrooms were. As he turned the corner out of view of Lisa, he pulled out his gun and stepping lightly. “Ben?” He called out. There was no response, there was no noise of movement. For a young teenager this was unnatural, even more so for Ben. Getting closer to the bedroom doors, he called out for Ben again. This time he stayed in place, not stepping forward. He heard a small muffled noise. His heart jumped to his throat. He crept up to the room he heard the noise from, slowly opening the door. “Ben?” 

A cold chill ran up his spine when he saw what was in the room. Sitting on the queen sized bed was Ben with his hands clasped together, eyes looking to the floor, his cheeks red from crying. Dean wanted to run over to Ben and comfort him, in any other circumstance he would but sitting next to Ben was Alastair. Every inch of Dean froze and it felt like his blood simply vanished. He felt cold all over and was as pale as a corpse. He tried speaking, he tried yelling for Castiel but his brain was aware enough to know that it would take more than one half-angel to even make a dent in Alastair. He lowered his gun. Bullets were useless here. “Let. Go. of. Him.” Dean made it a command, certain and firm with what he was saying.

“Oh Winchester, Ben and I have become such great friends since I've been here. I dare to say, so have Lisa and I, but you know how _good_ Lisa can be, remember?” Waving his hand through the air. “But we won't talk about that one in front of a child.” Alastair gave a sinister smirk. He wrapped an arm around Ben's shoulder, pulling him closer. “We're besties, aren't we Ben?”

Ben wouldn't lift his head, he made a small squeaking sound slowly nodding to give Alastair the answer he wanted. He squeezed his hands tighter together. Ben looked just as pale as Dean, but for Ben it was not just a fear pale, it was a sickness pale. “I see you didn't bring the big bad Moose.” He made note of, tilting his head to look past Dean. “I really would have hated to deal with him again. What he did was very painful.”

Dean was doing everything he could to keep his tone strong and steady. “H-how are you here?” He demanded, trying to get closer to Ben.   
Alastair gave a flick of the wrist and sent Dean slamming into the door. He shook it off, standing, gun still in hand despite it being useless. Once he was on his feet again, he heard the commotion in the living room of the cabin. “Stay in the living room Lisa, I just knocked something over.” He shouted, not wanting Castiel to barge in here and end up hurt, or dead. Now that Heaven was closed off, if that happened Dean didn't know where angels went when they died.

“You'd be surprised what some demons would do for a promotion in Hell.” 

Dean didn't want to question the semantics of his comment about Lisa. Tucking his gun back into his waist line, he drew all of his attention to what Alastair was doing, trying to come up with a way to get Ben away from him. “If you won't tell me how, then why are you here?” The cold feeling was fading and he was starting to feel the heat of anger.

“Little Miss Lees...” Dean balled his fists when Alastair dared to call her 'Lees'. That was Dean's name for her, not his. “See, she didn't wanna' lose sweet little Ben here, so thanks to you, she knew how to make a lovely little crossroads demon meeting. Who was I to deny her such a wonderful deal. If she could get _you_ to me,” He stood, taking a step closer to Dean. “I would take away the pancreatic cancer that the doctors told Lisa he had. You would be really surprised what lows a mother would sink to to save her child. Humans are sickening. Don't you agree? After all, Hell did treat you well.”

Now Dean was on a roller coaster of emotions. He was no longer angry or scared. Now he was sad, devastated. He knew Lisa and him had a falling out but he assumed that if something bad had ever happened to her or Ben, she would tell him. She swore, she promised him she would when he returned to a Hunter's life. “Get to the point. I'll give you almost anything for you to leave them unharmed and Ben cured.” Dean made a point to say 'almost' and 'cured'. Alastair had a great way of twisting someones words and giving them technically what they asked for but there was always a catch.

“See, the problem with that Dean-o, is you said **almost**. You're not going to do _almost_ what I want you to do. You **are** going to do what I want you to do, no questions asked.”

Dean glared into Alastair's cold stare. He was still smirking in a way that was evil. “Anything.” Dean repeated, feeling like he was swallowing sand. His eyes moved away from Alastair and faced Ben.

“I love you Ben.” Arms dropping to his sides, Alastair finally released his grasp on Ben. He ran towards Dean with such force it knocked him back. He ran a finger through Ben's damp hair and knelt down to be eye level with Ben. He wiped a tear away from Ben's cheek, saddened by how warm his cheeks were from crying. Dean tried to smile but all that came out was a half smile and a small sniffle. There was no way he was making this out alive. “Told you that I'd always protect you. You better be good for your mom now. Go into the living room, I'm sure she's waiting for you, out there.”

He wanted to tell Ben that there was an angel out there who would protect him but he didn't want Alistair to have that bit of emotional leverage over him.

“I see you've gotten a little close to the boy and especially Lisa. I've heard some dirty things about you and her. Shame on you Dean. Abandoning your teenage sweetheart when she told you she was expecting such a lovely little boy. Showing up 10 years later with nothing but an apology, yet she still took you in. Funny what love can do to a man. Even more for a man who has been to Hell and back. She may know about your 'Hunter' life, but you and I both know that there's so much more.”

“Are you done with your bad guy dialogue?”

Alastair steps closer to Dean, so close they could almost kiss. “Hell needs you Dean. I know what's in your head Dean. I know what you dream about. Aside from dead angels, you miss being our number 1 torturer.” He places a finger on Dean's temple. “Trust me, I know you.”

_You don't know everything_ Dean thought to himself.

Alastair might be good, but he's no Crowley. Dean wanted to be snarky; shove it in his face that he has a happy life with an angel and a daughter. He looked down, no longer willing to face the demon that wanted him back in Hell.

“It's simple Dean. You come with me and your boy lives and the only woman you ever loved won't hate you anymore for leaving her again and again.” Dean was silent to the offer that was being proposed.

“Two conditions.” He took a deep breath, trying to think and talk at the same time.

“Maybe.” Dean expected no other answer. Alastair was like the evil version of Gabriel; never completely clear about what was going to happen, enjoyed toying with other people. At least Gabe was nice about it.

“I get to say good bye. To everyone, not just Lisa and Ben, and you cure Ben before I go with you. Then, and only then, will I come and you can have whatever you want.”

“You drive a high bargain other Winchester.” Alastair pretended to think about the proposition. He leaned in, to do the typical demon thing to seal the deal with a kiss.

“No chick flick moments, til you do your part. I know you just as well as you know me Allie.”


	15. To Hell and back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get some turmoil between our characters. A little more of Alistair. Once you go to Hell, you always come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this weather has taken it's toll on me so it's really halted my writing. My bad.

“Dean, don't be foolish; you know how a deal is sealed, you made plenty of them in your demon days.” Alastair showed his teeth in an attempted smile.

“I told you, and I know you heard me. I at least get to say good bye before I hold your hand and walk through Hell's gates.” Dean shoved Alastair away from him. “I deserve at least that. _They_ deserve that.” He motioned towards the door.

“Do you really think _you_ anything at all. You are not as righteous as Heaven had made you seem.”

Dean's face dropped with a pang of guilt in his stomach and his heart felt like it had been smashed with a ball pin hammer. One of the problems with being in Hell for so long was that the demons learned way too much about you. Everyone breaks at some point, and Dean was no exception to that. 

“Maybe Heaven was wrong about that but an angel told me I deserve being able to say good bye to the people I lo- - I'm leaving.” Dean bit his tongue hoping Alastair didn't catch the small slip. If he knew Dean actually loved someone now would make it even worse.

“Even an angel can fall, Dean. I'll give you your request. After all, I am bringing a Winchester with me.” His grin was sinister. The door opened with a snap of Alastair's fingers. “I'm not stopping you.” Dean started walking backwards towards the door, he didn't want to take his eyes off of his opponent.

Closing the door behind him, Dean let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He squeezed his eyes shut. His head was pounding. For the first time in a long time, he was feeling fear, very real fear. 

“ _Suck it up motherfucker._ Whispering to himself. Trying to find a way to save the few ones that he loved. His thoughts were racing.  
Sammy.  
Castiel.  
Sophia.  
Lisa.  
Ben.  
...and maybe even Ruby.

Walking back to the front room he was trying to hype himself up. There had to be some way to get out of this. When it was just him, that was one thing; he wouldn't give a damn then, but now, now was different. Castiel was willing to risk his Heaven status and his life to save Dean once and he knew Castiel would do it again, he wasn't ready to risk his loved ones going on a suicide mission for something stupid he did. Sam had a good life for himself finally. Sophia was the light of his life, Sophia made him a different kind of happy, a 'life worth living' happy. When Carla first told him she was pregnant, he was terrified but once he held that crying bundle that was to be Sophia, his soul itself changed. Lisa was his first love, his first serious relationship, the one he gave his heart to, the one he regretted leaving, almost the one that got away.

Turning the corner, all six eyes turned to him. Castiel's filled with anger and confusion. Lisa, trying to wrap her arms tightly around Ben like he was 2 years old all over again, looked worried and scared. Ben had to be the bravest of them all, standing tall like a soldier landing on Normandy. He felt like he was about to gag on words he hadn't even said. His eyes shifted over to Castiel trying to give a discreet look without saying a word that something was wrong. He grabbed Lisa by the wrist, pulling her out of hearing range of Castiel.

“How the fuck did he get in here Lisa?” Dean hissed, trying to keep his voice low, his hand still wrapped around her wrist. “What did you do?!” The fear had dissipated and it was filling with anger. Nothing of the supernatural realm was supposed to even be around here. Lisa's head tilted down. Dean ducked his head, trying to meet her eyes. “Lisa, don't lie to me. I fucking know you.” His teeth were starting to grind. He saw her eyes shift to the front door. “Did you really do what I'm thinking you did?” 

“I had to Dean. I had to save Ben...” Lisa's voice started to break. She could finally look at Dean eye to eye. She was brokenhearted, scared, and alone.

“You should have called me.” The roller coaster of emotions was back. “What, do you not trust me now?” 

She gave a tired sigh that could have been mistaken for a cry if he hadn't been face to face with her. “It was the only thing I could think of. You...you were too busy. I don't know what's going on with you and...” She motioned her head towards Castiel, who was still looking angry and confused. “Castiel, but that was obviously more important.”

For a brief moment Dean was seeing red. “If you had told me Ben had fucking _cancer_ ” He was trying to emphasize his word without Castiel hearing him. “then I would have turned the car around right then and there. Cas and I...I love Cas and he would have understood my decision if I had one to make.”

“You what?” Her face twisted in disgust. In turn he recoiled back, letting go of her.

“Is that really what's going to matter to you right now?”

“I knew something was wrong with you.” Her face scrunched up.

“There's nothing wrong with me.” His voice left the whisper in turn for an angry tone. “I took care of you and Ben. You're the one that lied and kept him. Do you really think I would have left you with a baby in your arms?” He looked at Ben, seeing a younger version of himself; his hair a mess, his jeans faded and his shirt wrinkled. “And right now, in this moment, you and I need each other for all the wrong reasons.”

He stomped away from Lisa, heading to the front door. There was a worn in carpet at the entrance. In Dean's memory, it was white at some point and now it was more of a dusty brown from the amount of dirt that him, Sam, and Bobby had dragged in over the years of using the house more times than he wanted to think about. Picking up a corner of the rug, he saw the Devil's trap that had been placed there, seeing a scuff mark through a part of the circle, breaking it's effectiveness. Standing back up, he reached for Lisa, grabbing her by the wrist. Pointing at the marking like an owner scolding his dog. “Please tell me you did not fucking do this Lees?” He couldn't be silent about this any longer. Ben tried hiding behind Castiel, spreading out the trench coat like a shield; Castiel ushering Ben behind him, away from the argument.

“You don't understand. It's complicated.” She felt the pressure from Dean's hand getting tired, getting tighter with every word she gave.  
“Fucking _selling my soul_ isn't complicated. It's a thing you don't do. Good people don't sacrifice other people. Did you miss that part in grade school?” He was starting to bare his teeth. Dean felt such rage that his head felt like there was a vice slowly tightening as the realization was hitting. “Do you, in your heart,” he poked Lisa's chest “have any idea what you've done?! I wouldn't mind if it was just me you were ruining, but for once in my god damn life, I want to live. I want to see my daughter grow up. I want to be around when Sam and his wife have a family of their own. I...” his voice cracked, and he let go of Lisa's wrist once he felt his eyes getting warm. “I want to grow old with my husband...” His stomach turned inside out.

Lisa shifted her hips and crossed her arms. There was no longer fear in her body language. She knew she had Dean trapped. His heart was too big for Ben to turn this deal down. “If that last part is the case, you deserve Hell Dean.” She snapped at him.

Castiel noticed Dean's eyes scanning Lisa's for something. He wanted to run over to Dean, rewind all of this, and go home. Having only half the grace he used to, his powers had to be limited and selected. Trying to hear the words between his love and his loves ex love, he started to step forward until he felt Ben tug at his coat, silently reminding him that whatever was going on, right now was between them. There was another tug, sending him stepping backwards. He turned to look at Ben, wanting to reassure him that things were going to be okay but Castiel himself wasn't sure if they were even going to make it out of this cabin alive with the way Dean was looking. He managed to turn his back from Dean and Lisa to face Ben. Castiel wasn't sure what he was feeling but whatever this emotion was, he didn't like it. When he looked at Ben, he saw a miniature Dean. Those identical green eyes looking back at him. Ben was putting on the bravest face he knew how.

“You're Dean's angel, aren't you?” 

“Something like that.” Castiel managed to respond, wanting to give Ben some sort of answer.

“Then you can save him.” Ben was trying to peer past Castiel to watch Dean and Lisa talking.

“I, it's complicated.” 

Ben stood still, straightening up. “I'm sick of hearing those words.” His fists started to ball up. “Ever since I saw the doctor, that's all I've been hearing. That's all mom ever tells me about all of this!”

Lisa's head turned when she heard Ben's voice rise above a mummer. She turned on her heel. “What are you doing to my son?” She hissed at Castiel.

Castiel's mouth gaped open in shock of being accused of trying to do anything. He looks at Dean, who was just as stunned. “Lisa, he isn't doing shit other than protecting him.” Dean grabbed her by the shoulder, jerking her backwards. “and keep your fucking voice down.” She glared at him like he had just kicked a puppy.


	16. Come Hell or High Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What would you do to save the ones you love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, it's been a hot minute since I updated this. Turns out my flash drive wanted to delete everything associated with this so...

I don't blame him for being angry Lisa.” The anger and sadness was finally catching up to Dean. Even though he knew what was awaiting him, he wasn't scared. He had a family to be with for the first time in as long as he can remember. His daughter is a shining beacon in a world surrounded by darkness, his husband has literally saved him from Death himself, his brother was finally as happy as he deserved to be, Sam wasn't meant to be a hunter. Maybe even his son. Dean wanted to exist in Ben's life more. 

“Ben would be better off if he had never met you in the first place! You only wish he was your son, Dean. You think you're the only person I've ever slept with?” She was trying to pull Ben away from his hiding place with no avail. Castiel stuck his arm out to push Ben away from her. Losing some of his grace and then being Sophia's “Papa” had given him a new perspective on children. He never wanted to see one hurt, ever. “Since you're already a fag, don't you have a kiss waiting for you?” Lisa had no shame in her words. Dean tried to convince himself that it was because she was angry and didn't know how to act. All she wanted to do was save her son.

Ben peered over Castiel's coat and in all sincere tone. “Mom, don't call him that. That's mean.” A half smile spread over Dean's face. He leaned down to be eye level with the little boy, holding the side of his cheek.

“You know you'll always be my little man, Ben. Sometimes mom's get angry and they say things they don't mean.” He looked over his shoulder at Lisa. “Or when they learn about something they don't agree with. Don't be angry with her, okay? You have to promise, and if you don't, you're not getting my Baby when you're 18.” Dean's hand moved from cheek to shoulder, “and Cas here, if anything ever happens to me, he's there, just for you.” Dean's voice was starting to waiver. This might as well be his final good-bye to his son. Dean looked up to Castiel, trying so hard to not wrap his arms around both of them and hug them for infinity..

Dean's first thought was to call Sam. Sam was the smart one, he was the one that knew all the lore, he was the one that saved people out of the goodness of his heart. He would know what to do. Pulling his cell out of his pocket, taking in a deep breath. Finally the sound of the phone being answered. “Hey Sammy...”

“This isn't Sam daddy! It's me!” Sophia's tiny voice came through with happiness and excitement. “Are you and papa on your way home yet?”There was no way to express the emotions that those words had made him feel.

“In a day or two. We'll be home before you know it and maybe you can even talk Papa into having a tea party or two with you. Right now I need to talk to Sam honey.”

Even at her age, she understood and with understanding came disappointment. “Oh...okay.” Her tiny, now sad voice handed the phone over to Sam, without even saying goodbye.

“Dean, I'm already watching your kid, I'm not watching your husband too.” Sam always knew how to lighten a conversation when he felt it was going to be a bad one. That was Sam's coping mechanism and it was far more healthy than the ways Dean knew how to cope.

Shutting the door behind him, feeling a cold rush of wind. “I have a big problem. Like on par with saving the world big.”

“Fuck.” That was unusual for Sam. He normally went to psychologist route and would try to get Dean to talk about his feelings. “What's going on? If you just tell me where you...”

“No!” Dean tried not to shout. “This is a more of a 'I need your advice thing' Lisa fucked me, and not in the good, fun way. She's trying to sell my soul to Alistair of all demons without even telling me, and now I'm in the same fucking house as him and he's trying like Hell to get me to go dark side again. Ben...Ben has cancer and Lees didn't tell me until I was face to face with that evil fuck. I don't want to go Sammy...”

There was silence on the line for a moment, followed by a sigh of helplessness. “I can't think of much and what I can think of isn't good Dean.” Sam's voice got lower, Dean assumed Sophia was near by and that made all of this so much worse.

“I'm up for anything that saves my family Sam...you, Cas, Soph, you guys are all I have.” He was starting to crack again just saying all of that out loud. “I'll even go back to Hell if I have to.”

“The only idea I have is something you'd have to take up with Cas...assuming you're at a safe house, have Cas use what little bit of grace he has and poof Alistair down to the dungeon down there and well, you know the drill.”  
.  
Coming back in, he glared at Lisa, possibly one last time. He sat on the floor next to Ben, both with their legs held to their chest. “Things will get better for you Ben, I promise. You won't always feel like this, and between you and me,” he leaned in close to Ben “your mom won't always be so crazy.” Dean was glad when he saw Ben crack a smile for the first time since he'd been here with them. Scooting closer to Dean, Ben laid his head on Dean's shoulder. This wasn't the first time he had done this but who knows when or if this moment between them will ever happen again. “If you let me talk to the angel for a minute, we can go for a drive in Baby.” He had never seen Ben's face light up so quickly, like it was a second Christmas. 

Slowly getting to his feet he turned to Castiel, pulling him away from Ben. He didn't know what to say or do. “I know you can tell what's going on Cas...” He ran his hands over his face trying to hid his moment of breaking down. “Tell me what to do. You know me better than I know me.” 

“Since I know you, I know you're going to make a choice that you regret but you will feel that it's the right thing to do...even if that means what it does in this case.” Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean's neck, with no care of what Lisa might think. “I love you no matter what you do.” Dean returned the hug, pulling Castiel closer. “This isn't good-bye.”

“Then why does it feel like it is?” Dean motioned his head to a different room. Giving Ben a cheesy smile when he saw him try to drop in on their conversation. Closing the door behind him, Dean almost felt like collapsing right into Castiel's arms, just burying his face into that worn in trench coat and hoping this was all a horrible nightmare. “Cas, tell me this isn't real. Tell me we're watching some B rated horror movie with Sophie drooling on my shoulder once she fell asleep. Sam is...doing whatever he does with Ruby. Lie to me.”

“You know I can't do that.” Castiel slid his hands under Dean's jacket, slowly rubbing his back in circles. “The truth is, like I said, this isn't good bye Dean, it never is.” With this amount of emotion from Dean, Castiel started wondering what advice Sam gave, if any. He wasn't ready to ask yet, it felt like it would be better to let Dean feel what he's feeling. Pushing Dean away from his chest and forcing him to look at Castiel eye to eye. He could feel his heart shatter into millions of pieces when he finally saw Dean's face. He understood why they were in a different room. Having a conversation that Ben and Lisa shouldn't hear was one thing but absolutely breaking down, being human, in front of them was not acceptable to Dean. His cheeks were warm and red, eyes glassed over from the tears that started pouring from his soul. Castiel had seen Dean break down before, but this felt different. This wasn't Hunter Dean, this wasn't Rock n' Roll Dean, this wasn't Dean's mask. 

“We've both given up so much for each other, and I would do it again. I would give up everything all over again if it meant you were happy.” It was the only consoling thing Castiel could think of. It's not like it was a lie, and he would do it without a second thought, he was just praying he wouldn't have to, that he wouldn't have to lose his husband over this. They're meant to grow old together, to see Sophie grow. 

“I'm tired Cas, I am so god damn tired. I'm tired of always having to be away from you. I'm tired that I only talk to my brother when I'm leaving town. I'm tired of having nightmares. I'm tired of remembering. I'm just...exhausted.” A heavy sigh came from deep within his chest. “I wish I had never followed in dad's footsteps, even worse, dragging Sammy into it. He's wrecking my life from beyond the grave.”

Castiel had to bite the bullet on this one. “What did Sam say about,” he tried averting his eyes from Dean's but it felt impossible. “about what the situation is?”

“Oh Sam, Sammy had a fucking wonderful idea.” Dean moved away from Castiel's embrace, tempted to break everything in the room, even his own face at this point. “He wants you to go all possibly Kamikaze over this douchebag. In Sam's words 'have Cas use what little bit of grace he has and poof Alistair down to the dungeon down there and well, you know the drill,' which he knows I would punch him for if we were face to face.” Dean's anger dissipated into absolute sorrow. His shoulders slumped, sitting in an oversized chair, with his face in his hands, shaking. 

“That's not exactly a bad idea, and you know it. Be honest with yourself, Dean.” Castiel tried to take steps towards his crying lover.

“Don't you dare say dumb shit like that! I committed my life to you, angel or not. I'm not breaking that over the monster upstairs!” His voice was leaving the shaking behind and a few octaves away from shouting. “I know you know what 'for life' means because I sure as shit didn't and don't take that lightly.”

Dean wasn't wrong, he just wasn't clear headed. He wanted to find an answer, a solution, to this problem that simply wasn't there. There was no way to save everyone this time, there had to be sacrifices on someone's end and for him it certainly wasn't going to be Castiel making another sacrifice to save him from a mess he started.

“Dean I'm waiiiiiiting” Alistair teased. There was no way he wasn't over hearing everything that was being said or done. That grading voice gave him chills. Too much time in Hell was spent next to him, having him whisper into Dean's ear until he won the battle and crushed Dean's spirit. Dean didn't want to hurt people, not like that anyways, but there he was. The Top Torturer of Hell. Even demons feared him in one way or another. He made the Iron Maiden look like some kids nanny and at the time, after what felt like hundreds of years, he took pride in that. Now he felt nothing but shame.

Castiel and him had never really talked about it, post all the saving bits. Some nights he wondered if Castiel knew more than what he was letting onto. After all, he did rebuild Dean from scratch, he had to know what he had been through. What he had done. Everything he had done and this angel still fell in love with him. “Fuck. I want to murder him a million different ways.”

“So, let me 'poof' him and you can take your time.” Dean couldn't tell if Castiel was trying to jest with him or if he actually wants to do that. “No one but us has to know.”

“That sounds a lot like peer pressure Cas. If you're going to pressure me into anything, hand me a new bottle of whiskey.” Dean pulled at his own hair. If he can't have alcohol, he can have pain.

“Don't do that.” Castiel wrapped his hand around Dean's, intertwining their fingers. “Either tell me what's going on in your head or my last bits of grace will go to making you tell me.”

“That's cheating Cas.” Dean's hands fell to his sides, still holding hands. “You've got me there, you know I hate it when you do that. Tell me something, Cas.”

“Almost anything.” He tried to force a smile. Dean rolled his eyes, trying to mask his high amounts or worry.

“How much do you know about my time downstairs?” He was choking on his own words. They felt as thick as quick sand. 

“Enough.”

“I'm not ready to go back.” 

This might actually be good bye


End file.
